Friday
Came home, ate dinner and watched more Olympics (what else is new, right?), straightened up a bit, did laundry, then fell asleep in the middle of 20/20. Why yes, I am a nerd.

Saturday
Slept in! Then headed out to the Valley for a haircut/color and mini/pedi and rushed home. Got ready to go for dinner with He Who Does Not Eat Sweets (HWDNES). We saw The Neighbor at the Laemmle then went for sushi at Sushi Dan and I had a surprisingly fun time. When we finished dinner, he asked me what we should do next; I suggested bowling, he suggested Vegas. (We ended watching part of a movie and talking at my house.) Uhh. I told him there was no way I was driving four hours to the desert with someone I’ve only met twice. On the way to the restroom, I jokingly told him if he could find flights, I’d consider it. When I got back he told me he checked out the flights but there weren’t any more until 6:00 a.m. Yeah, he was serious. At that point I told him I’d take a rain check.

Anyway, like I said, I had a fun time. Apparently he’s been making some major life changes this year in regards to his health and personal well being, so that’s a good sign. He’s fun to hang out with and who knows where this may or may not lead. Possibly to Vegas. Hah. We exchanged a few text messages today about possibly getting together later but he took a meeting and I am so exhausted I can barely keep my eyes open, so it’s unlikely that will happen.

Sunday
Slept in, but didn’t get a lot of sleep then started my great pewter/silver/gold shoe search. I went to one of my least favorite places in all of LA, The Grove, and found nothing. Nordstrom had only a few pair of metallic shoes under $300 (!), and none of them were what I was looking for. To make myself feel better, I went to the Gap and bought two pair of pants and a t-shirt, checked out a few more stores, bought a baby shower gift, then went to DSW and Off Broadway (a few more options, but nothing in a 10, waah). After that I bought three pair of potential shoes on Zappos and DSW.com, hit the grocery store, and in a minute, I’m going to hit my couch.
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In job news, I am employed through March 31. Between now and then, I can obtain a new position within the new company and stay with them indefinitely. If that does not happen, I can collect severance and be on my way (to pastry school). Unfortunately, not all of my coworkers are in this fortunate situation and it sucks. Big time sucks.

And in weird news, I decided to sign up for a month of Jdate because I apparently like to torture myself, and one of the emails I had waiting for me had the subject line of Blog Girl and the body said, Your blog is not boring! . So uh, hi Jdate guy. And this is why I stopped writing about Jdates.

How stupid was The Mole finale? Lame. I only watched the beginning to see who won, then it was back to staying up entirely too late for a work night to watch the Olympics. Speaking of which–how awesome are they? Back when I lived in Michigan, I swam regularly and watching all the races now makes me miss it so much. I think I may need to find a pool. In other TV news, I love Project Runway still.

In other Olympic news, did you notice the ads for the official Olympic soundtrack? Random. Also, did I ever mention my parents took us to the ‘84 Olympics in LA, when we were still living in Michigan? I hope I can go again at some point.
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In work news, tomorrow is the day I find out whether or not I still have a job, and if I do still have one, how much longer I’ll have it. Should be interesting.
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In dating news, I had a date the other night. He is very nice, funny, a gentleman, and cute, but he a bit of a past (uh, a very recent past and no I’m not blogging specifics) that makes me think he probably doesn’t have longterm potential. And even worse than his past is that fact that HE DOESN’T EAT SWEETS. But, being as I am giving everyone a chance, (sometimes too much of a chance) if he calls, I would go out with him again.
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Thank you to everyone who gave me shoe suggestions! I’m going to order a few pair from Zappos hopefully tonight and try to hit Nordstrom (The Grove or Westside Pavilion, is one better than the other?) over the weekend.
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I had a horribly disappointing baking failure this week. I found an incredible sounding recipe for a chocolate cake with caramel fleur de sel filling and chocolate ganache. Yum, right? Well, I’ll never know! All was going well until I went to lift the bottom half of the first cake (you have to cut it in half horizontally so you end up with four layers from two cakes) and it was COMPLETELY STUCK to the cooling rack. I tried to patch it back together but it was ugly and bumpy and just a terrible disaster. Sigh.
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This week’s question: What Olympic events/people/whatever are you enjoying the most?

Yes, I’m a sucker. I paid for Jdate again. Here is one of the gems that was waiting for me in my inbox. It’s from a 49-year-old guy on the east coast:

My name is Xxxxx Xxxxx Single at the moment with a Kid thou my angel sandra 10 y/o. we should probably be friends,Maybe we could get to know each other better and work something out lol.

anyway, i’d go on and on, but I wanna get a response from you.. You Could Add me to your friends list on here (xxxx.xxxx@yahoo.com)Th en maybe we could chat Cos am online Now! you know what they say.. appearance captures the eyes, but personality captures the heart.. haha..

take care

Xxxxx Xxxx.

Uhh, yeah. Money well spent, eh?

Saw a really good show at UCB with Karrin. Unfortunately, one of the stars, Jeff Garlin, was super out of it (drunk? high?). Went to the beach with Jen. Went to Milk with my sister and had some really yummy desserts.

Spent a long weekend in San Diego where I baked a gazillion Passover desserts and spent time with family and friends and went to seders. Had brunch with Julie (who is pregnant with baby number three, congratulations!) at the Shack, where we would go when we’d ditch class in high school. After Passover, went to Mozza with three fabulous women. And attended a good-bye party for a friend who is moving up north.

Speaking of friends, I learned that reading a friend’s friend’s blog may lead to reading something I didn’t really care to know. And also, that if someone is a true friend, they will help, not hurt, you. And they’d eventually get around to responding to an IM.

Got my candy swap package! Speaking of candy, anyone know where you can buy Pineapple Lumps in the U.S.? Had a marshmallow recipe failure. Had much more success with flourless chocolate-walnut cookies and chocolate chip sour cream pound cake.

Got a couple of texts and phone calls from the Brit all promising “I’ll call you” and/or “we’ll get together soon” just before he got hit by The Bus. Learned I am capable of not obsessing and not driving myself crazy with thoughts of “will he call?” and more importantly, that if he doesn’t call, amazingly, the world won’t end. More recently, went on a few dates, including a second one at the Getty (where the weather was gorgeous and the date was eh). Also, had a fun first date with yet another unemployed writer.

Received a letter from XM Radio saying if I sign up for automatic debit (for an annual subscription, weird, yes I know) I would get a $12.95 credit to my account. So, my $77 a year subscription just went down to $64.05. Not bad, huh?

Got back into exercising regularly and eating well and, with a little help from Passover, lost a few pounds.

Had a really bad four days where I tried to limit my crying to while in the shower only. Entertained the idea of going to pastry school. Thought about moving to San Diego once things filter out at work; more on that later. Speaking of work, remember that crazy deadline I had a couple of months ago? Currently going through it again, this time for first quarter 2008; not fun.

Realized that some of my blog readers are fabulous people who actually care about me; learned some of my blog readers think I am selfish for not blogging. And also, there is a plugin that will automatically upgrade Wordpress and it is awesome. And as a bonus, did you know you can now post videos to Flickr?
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Yes, I know, random stuff, totally out of order, and not very detailed. And of course, it’s only some of what I’ve been up to. The last month has provided a lot of introspection as well as re-evaluation of a friendship. And blog-wise, I was surprised to find that I didn’t miss blogging as much as I thought I would. I’m not sure if that means I needed a break, or perhaps this blog has lived its life. I guess we’ll see.

Email #1
thinks you are enchanting~! heartstopping ravishing~! breathtaking~!intrigued….ps..we live 5 mins apart~!aroma cafe for coffee?

Since when is the Valley five minutes from Hollywood? Even on a good day, it takes at least 12 minutes to go through the canyon. And even weirder, he wouldn’t know I live in Hollywood because my profile says Los Angeles. Whatever.

Email #2
His email:
Hi, I’m Xxxx. You’re a gorgeous lady, and your profile really resonated with me. I’d like to get to know you.

My response:
Thanks for the email, but I don’t think we’re a good match. Good luck with your search!

His response:
That’s for damn sure.

These men are 16 and 17 years my senior, respectively.

First, some background. Jdate has this thing called Clicks. Basically, if you think someone’s profile is cool you click yes on this little heart thing. And if they think your profile is cool, they click yes. And if you both click yes to each other, then you see two little hearts next to each other (aww) and receive a click email. So, I clicked yes for this guy, he clicked yes for me, I sent him a flirt (free way to correspond), and he wrote this back:

Hi,
Your profile is sweet and your pictures are cute. I have to say though, much of my profile was written by my very generous friends. I’m really 5′ 6″* although the rest of the profile is under-embellished (or at least subjective).

Who actually believes his “friends” wrote his profile? Not I.

*His profile said he was my height, 5′9″.

My subscription ends this week, so these two will have to tide you over until I’m feeling brave again. Hold on tight, these are scary.

Email #1

Hello
How are you doing today,hope you are doing fine..I must tell you that your profile is worth a million glance….Am [Xxxxxx] by name am in Marketing….Am a man of 40 years old with a son,whose name is [Zzzzzz]…….currently am Divorced and looking forward to meet a woman that will possess at least few of my qualities….That is loyalty,Humble,Honest,GOD fearing,Caring,ETC
Finally,i would be highly honored if you can admit me as your friend….And also tell me more about yourself…This is my personal email address [Xxxxxxx]@yahoo.com please reply to my personal email address…… If you have a yahoo id please send it along so that i can add you to my friend list…….i believe through that medium it will be faster to get to know more about each other.
Hope to hear from you

Email #2

hello my name is [Wwwwww]i am new at the site and found your profile and loved what i saw in there i think we coulg get to know more about each other….i want a lady for a long term relationship ….i mean someone i can feel and touch someone that can care about me and share love together with me…….i want to fall in love again……………….
…..contact me at my email [Wwwwww]@yahoo.com if uve got im so we can have some chart and get to know each other we can start from there

Now, must you really ask why I’m not in a huge rush to renew my subscription? And what’s with the ellipsis and IM requests?

My Almost Fifteen Minutes of Fame
Thursday morning I received an email via my blog from a producer at The Early Show on CBS saying that she thought I would be the perfect voice for a piece on “non-Jews on JDate with the larger story of Jewish people intermarrying in general.” Other interviewees include two non-Jewish people who use JDate, a rabbi who will offer his opinion on non-Jewish people using JDate and talk about why he thinks it is important that Jewish people marry other Jewish people, the CEO of JDate and possibly an author.

After much consideration, I turned it down for a variety of reasons, but I am anxious to watch the segment. And I referred the producer to a few people I know so there is a chance of seeing some familiar faces when it airs February 4. Stay tuned!

Date
Thursday night was date number two with The Professor. We went for Indian food in Beverly Hills. The restaurant looked really cool, but the food was just sort of eh, kinda like the night itself. The Professor is a really nice guy, but we don’t really have much in common and there is zero chemistry. It was a pleasant night, just nothing special. Oh well.

Friday
Came home from work exhausted, made dinner, watched TV, then fell asleep before 11:00. That’s it.

Saturday
Slept in then saw Juno with Karrin at the new Landmark theater at Westside Pavilion. The theater is just like the Arclight–you get an assigned seat and there are no commercials. The only somewhat sucky thing is that you can’t print your tickets at home, you have to go to a kiosk. Aside from the that, it’s a cool theater and there is a Barnes and Noble about two feet away. Anyway, the movie was awesome! It’s one of those I know I’ll end up buying and won’t get tired of watching.

Saturday night I was supposed to have dinner with my friend Hilary. While I was in the movie, she left me a voicemail saying she got a last minute invite to the SAG awards (!) and was running around the city trying to find a dress and needed to get a manicure and pedicure and all that stuff. We’re going to reschedule for a night that isn’t the eve of the only awards ceremony that people are actually attending.

Since I had the night to myself, I decided to be somewhat productive and went to the hardware store and bought a wrench so I could put my new license plates on my car. When did license plates start fastening with bolts instead of screws? Silly. As am I, because after 15 minutes, I still couldn’t figure out how to put the stupid plates on. A new (and cute) neighbor offered his help, and even between the two of us, we couldn’t figure it out. Finally, after stepping away and coming back, I got it. All by myself.

It should also be noted that my new neighbor’s car, as well as two other cars in the garage, got broken into around midnight on Friday. The really bummer part is that the break-ins could possibly have been prevented as a bunch of us called our building manager numerous times during the past week to tell him the garage wouldn’t close. For whatever reason, he never got around to fixing it. Miraculously, he was able to fix it around 1:30 a.m. on Saturday; go figure. I felt really badly for my new neighbor (who by the way, is a writer from NY), as he just moved in a week ago.

The rest of my exciting night was spent spackling over nail holes in the wall (a 101 in 1001 item), browsing the new cookbook I bought earlier in the day, and watching TV and hoping the power wouldn’t get knocked out because of the crazy winds.

Sunday
Slept in yet again then went into the garage to do laundry and bumped into the new neighbor while I was in my pajamas with my hair in a ponytail and no makeup on. Figures. The majority of the day was spent on the couch (watching horrible shows such as something on a DirecTV channel about three girls who go on a road trip to meet people from online, yes seriously, as well as a show about a bridal boutique) in said pajamas, until about 4:00 when I decided it might be a good time to actually take a shower.

That night, Jami, Jenn, and Nanette ditched their husbands (and kids) for dinner and drinks at Simon LA. We all ordered (side note: it’s crazy dark in that place, good luck reading the menu) off the Dine LA menu–can you guess which dessert I chose? The service and food (appetizer, entree, dessert) were both outstanding, as was the company. It was so much fun to talk to a group of girls about fondant and baking and really horrible reality TV and it was a really lovely night. Nanette took pictures of everything we ate, so stay tuned for a link shortly. And Jenn sent us home with goodie bags of homemade mini donuts that are the cutest thing I’ve seen in quite a while!
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Also over the weekend, I found myself at three different grocery stores in search of Kraft Caramel Bits. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find them anywhere and am beginning to wonder if they’re not available on the west coast. Has anyone seen these at their market? If so, where do you live, and would you possibly want to mail me some?

At 9:33 a.m., a Jdate guy emailed me this:

Hello,

I enjoyed reading your profile this morning. You definitely possess a passion and zest towards life. You also express yourself very passionately and effectively. That is very rare and hard to find in a woman today. I would truly enjoy getting to know you.

Warmest regards,
XXXX

At 3:55 p.m., I read it, checked out his profile (out of my age range and out of town, among other things), and responded with:

Thanks for your email, but I don’t think we’re a good match. Good luck with your search!

At 4:16 p.m., he responded with:

I agree with you as well. After taking another look at your profile, I don’t think we would make a good match either. I do not think we share the same positive outlook in life. The best of luck to you.

What a difference 21 minutes makes. Don’t you just love Jdate?

Last night I went to Taste with my cousin and my aunt. Great food (mac and cheese with truffle oil, among other things) and super fun conversation, as always. And my former neighbor was our server so we had stellar service. After dinner, they headed over to The Jazz Bakery for a show, but I went home and crashed.

Tonight I am supposed to meet Kristin of Better Now. Years ago, she wrote a now-defunct blog and was one of my first readers. I can not wait to meet her!
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In dating news, the guy I went to The Arsenal with (let’s call him The Professor, because well, he is one) asked me out again and I accepted. We’re getting together next week.

Earlier this week, The Googler and I both said we’d like to hang out again and since then, we’ve exchanged a bunch of silly two sentence emails with no mention of a date. I don’t know how I’m supposed to respond to some of them, because it’s not like he asks anything, they’re just random links and thoughts. I kind of get the feeling he just wants to correspond via email rather than see me in person again, which isn’t something I’m interested in and don’t really understand the point of. Unlike chocolate and peanut butter (yep, I baked again), email and dating do not go well together.

It should also be noted that both The Professor and The Googler are musicians, and the Googler is also an aspiring writer. Big surprise, huh? At least he’s not a comic.
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In TV news, I am so behind in my Tivo, so please don’t tell me anything about Project Runway. Or anything else that is on on Wednesdays for that matter.
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Have my fellow Scrabulous fans seen this? Waah.
- – -
Radar has a post about the picket lines being the new way to meet (unemployed) men. They obviously don’t frequent Jdate, because I’ve been meeting unemployed writers that way for quite a while.
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Saturday is take two at Disneyland with my Little. I think it’s supposed to be in the 60s and sunny, so it should be a good day to visit Mickey. The last time I was at Disneyland was for The Ex’s fraternity formal (also the first time I ever had my hair straightened at a salon), and we fought the entire night following the party. It was a miserable trip and I am looking forward to making new Disneyland memories, even if they are with a 14-year-old.
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Remember how I lost my Bluetooth? Well, it turns out I lost my camera battery too. They were both in the same pocket of my purse, and now I’m wondering if someone ganked them. It’s not usual for me lose stuff like that, and I’m totally bummed.

Speaking of my camera, I discovered it has a macro setting, so now I can take pictures of the stuff I bake and it won’t be blurry (see above). Duh. I guess I didn’t read the manual thoroughly.
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This week’s question: Have you ever had/considered plastic surgery? If so, what procedure?

Friday
Came home from work and fought with my neighbors for the washing machines. Who knew Friday nights were so popular for laundry? Did a couple of loads, had dinner, and watched my new favorite horrible reality show, Miss America Reality Check. I still don’t exactly get the whole point of the show, it’s not like they’re picking Miss America, so why is it on?

Saturday
Slept in then headed out to the Valley for a mani/pedi and hair cut and color. I chopped off another two inches (!) and went darker. My natural color is close to black, and while I don’t want to go there, I was just getting tired of the light brown with blond highlights. I’m still getting used to it.

That evening, Jen and I had dinner, saw P.S. I Love You, and went for drinks. The movie was good, but of course, nowhere as good as the book. I think I cried throughout the entire book, and only found myself tearing up twice during the movie. And Jeffrey Dean Morgan with an Irish accent? Sucked.

Sunday
Slept in again then ran errands, including one that crossed something off my 101 list–I finally took my jar of coins to Coinstar at the CVS in West Hollywood. The machine has an option now that if you choose a gift card (rather than cash), you get the full amount back. So, I cashed in $19.07 in coins (mostly pennies) and now have an Amazon gift certificate for that amount. Pretty cool. It should also be noted that CVS had a display of Easter candy. In January. What the fuck? The rest of the afternoon was spent lounging around and cleaning.

Sunday night, I met a new Jdate guy for drinks at The Well. As luck would have it, they were closed for a private party, so I suggested The Woods instead. As we were talking about the bar, a guy in the parking garage overheard our conversation and said he worked at The Woods, and after a few minutes of chatting with him, we discovered they were opening late. Apparently the private party at The Well was for all of their employees at all four of their bars, including The Woods. Of course. So instead, we ended up at (where else?) the Cat and Fiddle down the street.

Over a few hours, we had two rounds of drinks, shared some food, and had fun and interesting conversation. At one point, I was telling him about my Little and he referred to the award I was honored with last year. I asked him how he knew about that, because I didn’t remember sharing that information with him (and my immediate thought was that he had found my blog, which I’m still not 100% sure he hasn’t, so if you’re reading, then um, hi!), and he said he Googled me (he knew my first and last name). I was more than a little surprised, and thought it was really funny that right when I give up Googling, my Jdate Googles me. The date ended with The Googler giving me a hug, and honestly, I have no idea if he is interested in going out again. I thought he was nice and funny and cute, and if he asks me out again, I would go. If he doesn’t, then at least I had a fun Jdate.

And now I need to go to bed because it’s almost midnight and I have to wake up in about six hours.

If you live in San Francisco and are interested in architecture, food, fashion, art, or local stuff (schtuff I suppose), then check out San Francisco Shtuff. My sister’s friend Jillian is writing for it so go visit and say hello!
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My baking blog is more popular than this blog now. Am I really that boring? Or are my baked goods just that good?
- – -
Tuesday’s date was…nice, but not riveting or anything. We met at The Arsenal and had a drink, decent conversation, and then took off, all within an hour. If only all Jdates could be so easy. (As an aside, they had lights on! It wasn’t pitch black inside! I asked the bartender what was up, and he said they decided to make it a little brighter in there. Yay!) Anyway, until I received an email (what’s up with the second date emails?) from him yesterday in which he invited me out again, I thought it was obvious that neither of us was terribly interested in the other. Whoops.

In other Jdate news, I spoke to a new Jdate boy on the phone last night and we made plans to have drinks on Sunday. He mentioned he went to the same college as Julie and about half of my high school, so we played a quick game of Jewish geography. Turns out one of his best friends is a guy I went to Hebrew school with. Small world! Dare I say I’m excited to meet him? Think good thoughts please!
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In TV new, yay for new TV! My Tivo is so happy and content now that it has Law & Order, Big Medicine, and Project Runway to record. And how about The Amazing Race? I was so glad TK and Rachel didn’t get eliminated. Last night was apparently the season finale of The Real World, which my Tivo did not record. Fortunately (unfortunately?) MTV seems to replay that show constantly so I can catch it another day. What are you currently watching?
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In other news, January is National Mentoring Month, who knew? Now is as good a time as any to check out your local mentoring program. Trust me, it’s an amazing feeling! If you have any questions about being a Big Sister, feel free to email me.
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This week’s question: Do you volunteer? If so, what do you do? If not, what would you like to do?

This weekend, the plan was to go to happy hour with Randi on Friday, take my Little to Disneyland on Saturday, and do laundry and other exciting stuff on Sunday. Thanks to the rain, that’s not how the weekend went down.

Friday afternoon at work, we received [a very unusual] email from our CEO stating that the office would close early due to the expected rain/floods/mudslides/end of the world. Apparently, he wanted us to get home before southern California turned into one big traffic jam. Yay! But boo, because that meant I would have to sit around an empty office for more than an hour before I could meet up with Randi, so we rescheduled our drinks for another night. So instead, I decided to go to Target. I figured the place would be a zoo, considering Trader Joe’s was crazy the night before. I had not seen TJ’s that crowded since the grocery strike of 2003–it was insane. Anyway, Target was empty and I did my shopping, came home, immediately changed into PJs, and spent most of the night on the couch watching really warbled TV (anyone else watch Miss America Reality Check?) thanks to the wind and my DirecTV satellite.

Saturday, I stayed in my PJs until about 5:00 and got so much done–I cleaned, did laundry, watched more TV, paid bills, stalked exes on MySpace and Facebook (MySpace is much better for stalking, if you must know), shredded and recycled bills, and caught up on the phone with my friend up in Seattle. Then I got dressed and picked up my sister before heading out to eat (California Chicken Cafe in case you care) and then to see Atonement (great film, no I didn’t read the book) at the Arclight with the half of Hollywood that actually went out in the rain. I have never seen the parking garage that crowded before, there was a line to get in! On our way back home after the movie, Sunset was nearly empty; it’s like LA shut down the minute it started drizzling.

Sunday I had very long overdue outing with my Little. We bought stuff to make memory albums, had some photos printed at Target, then went to lunch at Daphne’s where she inquired about my new boyfriend. Apparently her friend that I bumped into on Christmas Day told her how she saw me with the Dancing Hairstylist and assumed he was my boyfriend. I told her we were no longer dating and she asked why. I just told her he wasn’t for me; I figure she’s still too young to tell her what she has to look forward to. After lunch, we went to the Beverly Connection to check out Old Navy and Steve & Barry’s (junk) then my Little requested ice cream from Coldstones. Fortunately, I was too cold to even consider eating it. Side note, we looked in the windows of this random looking place (see photo to the left). Anyone know what it is?

After dropping my Little off at home, I stopped at the market then came home and baked chocolate caramel brownies and talked to a Jdate guy on the phone. Now I am going to make dinner then plant myself in front of the TV yet again. I love weekends.
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In boy news, the new year’s day dud emailed me the other day asking me out again. I sent him a very nice email in return, thanking him for a nice evening, but that I wasn’t really feeling it. His response? “Yep. I love chicks that yawn on dates.” Nice response for a 37-year-old man. Nevermind the fact that a) he is the one who emailed me to ask me out; and b) it was new year’s day when we met.

In other news, Tuesday night I’m meeting a Jdate boy for drinks and I’m not all that excited. Let’s hope he doesn’t yell at me or call me on a yawn.

I’m so confused as to what day of the week it is because not having to work Tuesday totally threw me off. Let’s play catch up, shall we?

New Year’s Eve was a lot of fun! Nicole had a bunch of us over for dinner and drinks (and champagne Jell-o shots with raspberries that were just soooo good) then we headed over to The Village Idiot to ring in 2008. They had a private one year anniversary/new year’s eve party for their friends and family, and since Nicole is friends with the chef (yes, The Chef), we were on the guest list. It was a fun night, kinda mellow, and celebrated with good friends. What more could I ask for? And no, it was not awkward when I saw The Chef; he wished me a happy new year and gave me a hug and a kiss on the cheek and it was all good.
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Speaking of boys, on New Year’s Day, I met another eharmony guy. This one didn’t yell at me and actually offered to pay for my dinner and margarita (seriously, like I needed more alcohol at that point), but he was very weird and definitely not for me. It should also be noted that both eharmony guys used the word hot, and not to describe temperature of any kind. The dancing hairstylist said, “Axl Rose used to be hot.” (hello, red flag number one) and the new year’s day dud said, “You live in Hollywood? That is hot!” Seriously. It’s like eharmony is filled with 14-year-old girls.
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In random news, did you know Flickr now offers stats? I had no idea, but I activated mine!
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In TV news, there are new episodes on this week! I’m getting my Law & Order fix (finally!) and am so hoping that TK and Rachel win The Amazing Race. Who are you rooting for? I’m also trying to get into The Biggest Loser, but I think the lack of two solid teams is making it less exciting. Or maybe I’m just over the show.
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In totally random food news, my new favorite store-bought treats are the fleur de sel caramels from Trader Joe’s–both the chocolate and plain caramel varieties. Oh so good! Speaking of sweets, don’t forget about your chance to win cookies, baked by me! And also, click on the picture to the right to check out all the yummy treats I baked in 2007.
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This week’s question: Did you make any new year’s resolutions? If so, what are they?

This weekend was quite productive for a change!

Friday night, I came home from work sneezing and blowing my nose like mad. I figured I was getting sick, so I just took it easy, spoke to the Dancing Hairstylist, and went to bed really early.

Saturday morning I felt a million times better (apparently it was just allergies), so I left a message for the Dancing Hairstylist telling him we’re for sure on, then ran a ton of errands, finally returned the jeans I thought I was in love with, bought a pair of jeans I really am in love with, and bought two tops for $15 each (!) at Express. I also made the dough for World Peace Cookies for New Years Eve, and managed to squeeze in some laundry. Then I showered and got dressed and waited for the stupid football game to end so that the Dancing Hairstylist and I could go to a movie.

And I waited and waited. I played a game of Scrabulous with a girl whose husband was glued to his Wii, then I tried on tops to wear on New Year’s Eve. Then I began getting into my pajamas and the phone finally rang, an hour after the game had ended. The Dancing Hairstylist said he was on his way and would be there shortly.

Everything from that point on went downhill, and the night turned to crap in about five seconds. Highlights included him: making fun of my new car; getting pissy because he spent $2 to park in the Arclight garage without seeing a movie because we got there 10 minutes before it started and only the first row was left; yelling at me for pointing at a stop light/lane/street, because “it’s rude and someone may think you’re pointing at them”; getting mad at me for saying that the passenger seatbelt wouldn’t retract when I unbuckled it; scolding me for eating a late lunch and skipping dinner (while planning on getting a pretzel at the movie we did not see) and insisting I will have a diabetic episode because of it (seriously…huh?); suggesting “you get the first round, and I’ll get the second round” at the bar, after inviting me out on a date; refusing to put the heater on in the car, because “the inside temperature is 65 degrees already, what do you want me to do, sweat?”. And there’s more, but I’ll spare you the details because my head hurts just thinking about the night.

Sunday morning, I slept in then got to baking for New Year’s Eve. I made chocolate cupcakes with pink buttercream frosting and silver dragees, and baked the World Peace cookies. The cupcakes taste good, but the frosting is a huge mess–I apparently over-beat it, causing it to get too much air, thus making it nearly impossible to pipe and then sort of deflate. I’m kind of embarrassed to bring them, but I’m hoping to redeem myself with the World Peace cookies.
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In other boy news, I didn’t mention this when it happened, but I was kissed by a boy with a girlfriend (who knows I know he has a girlfriend), and who split from his ex-wife because she cheated on him. I’ll never understand guys.

DG met a girl he really likes. And even though I don’t want to be with him, hearing him tell me he met someone made my heart hurt a little.
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And finally, I hope everyone has a very fun and safe New Year’s Eve. See ya in 2008!

I went down to San Diego last Friday night to celebrate my dad’s birthday and a belated Hanukkah with the family. The drive down was awesome–very little traffic, and I got to spend time in my new car! The weekend was a lot of fun and I ate more in those couple days than I think I ate in the entire week prior. Stuffed. Myself. Silly. I also got to see Julie’s beautiful new house and ate about a dozen of the delicious cookies she had just made.

On the drive back to LA, the outdoor temperature display on my car went wonky and kept saying it was 75 degrees outside at 8:00 at night. It was actually somewhere around 55 or 60. Then my ipod went black and kept scrolling “connect to power” and when I connected it to my car charger, nothing happened. Same thing when I connected it to the computer via the USB. Finally, I tried the wall charger (that did not come with the iPod) and that worked. All three ways of charging used the same USB cord, so I don’t know why only the wall outlet charge took. Any ideas?
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A while back, I found a three months for the price of one coupon for eharmony and decided to give it a go. For the past two and a half months, I had no matches that were even remotely interesting (they kept trying to set me up with people in Colorado–what the hell?). Then I matched with a local guy and we went through Dr. Warren’s stupid process and finally exchanged emails and decided to meet up on Christmas Eve.

We met on the westside for Chinese food and a late night drink and made plans to hang out again on Christmas Day. So, while you were opening presents and celebrating Christmas, we went bowling (he won the first game, I won the second game) in the Valley then for deli at Canter’s (where I bumped into my Little’s best friend and her mom). Both dates were a lot of fun and I am looking forward to hanging out with him again on Saturday night. As for a nickname, my friend and I already started calling him the Dancing Hairstylist because yes, he does hair, and yes, he teaches dance. And yes, he is straight. And while it was kinda cool to be able to talk about flat irons on a date, it was definitely a little odd.

Also, we somehow ended up on the subject of batting cages and he didn’t believe that I could hit a fast pitch (but I can!) so we ended up betting dinner on it. One of these days he’s going to owe me. Stay tuned.
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That’s it for now. I’m back at work tomorrow (waaah) and already looking forward to the weekend. I hope everyone had a very merry Christmas/wonderful day off.

This weekend, I was originally planning on going to Randi and Michael’s Hanukkah party on Saturday night and take my Little to the annual bowling party on Sunday afternoon. Then plans changed, and I was going to go down to San Diego to celebrate Hanukkah with my family and leave my car with my dad to sell. Of course, I did none of the above. Instead, my weekend went like this.

Friday
Went to Off Broadway and bought a pair of tall black boots that I’m going to return. I didn’t like them when I got home.

Later that night, I received an email from a Jdate guy I had been corresponding with inviting me to the KROQ Almost Acoustic Christmas concert (which is nothing close to acoustic, FYI) on Saturday night. It should be noted that said Jdate is friends with Nicole, and I met him very briefly almost a year ago when a bunch of us had dinner at the restaurant he works at as a chef. Anyway, I originally told him I was going down to SD but then I spoke to my mom who said, No! Go to the concert with the nice Jewish boy. So, I asked if the invitation was still open, and it was. Yay!

Saturday
Slept in then received a phone call from a man super interested in buying my car. Made plans for him to come look at it Sunday afternoon.

Cleaned my apartment and ran errands then tried to figure out what to wear to the show, taking into consideration that a) it was a first date and b) we were going to be standing for hours while seven bands performed. I opted for the layered look because I thought it would be freezing outside and hot inside the amphitheater, so I decided on a long sleeve t-shirt, a short sleeve t-shirt, a sweater, and jeans and Converse. Of course, the amphitheater was ice cold and even with my three layers, I was still shivering. (Do you guys even care about this? I thought not.)

Since The Chef had VIP tickets given to him by a customer, we went early for the free food and drinks in the VIP area. It was nice, and we chatted for a bit with the customer who graciously gave him the tickets. We missed most of Paramour’s set because we were enjoying the free drinks, so I can’t really comment on them. Angels and Airwaves was well, Angels and Airwaves. They just sound exactly like Blink to me; maybe I’m missing something. Avenged Sevenfold was my least favorite, and also seemed to be a popular time for a bathroom break. Serj Tankian was a trip and a half, but sounded just like System of a Down. Rise Against was good too, but kinda loud (maybe I’m getting old?). Anyway, my favorite band of the night was Bad Religion, as expected. They are great live and never disappoint. The headlining band, Linkin Park, was good, but I’ve never seen them live and I’m not a huge fan so I don’t really have much to compare them to. The Chef really liked them though.

After the show, The Chef drove me home and came upstairs to chat. After a couple of hours, we hugged goodnight and I got one of those half cheek, half lip kisses, and I’m not sure which one he intended to kiss. I think he’s very cool and nice and if he is interested, I wouldn’t mind getting to know him some more. And if he’s not interested, at least it was a fun night.

Sunday
Slept in until 11:00 (!) then ran errands and did laundry, all while waiting for the interested car guy to call me back. I finally called him and he’s no longer interested. Grrr. Frustrated, I then decided to bake cookies and of course, they turned out to be a disappointment (another Dorie recipe!). Now, I’m going to clean up and try to enjoy the rest of my evening!
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In other news, I am now halfway through my goal of wearing my hair naturally curly for two weeks in a row. Yes, that means I wore it curly on my date, which is something I haven’t done in years.

Last night my new friend Hilary and I were supposed to go to a fashion show at LA Fashion Week. Unfortunately (or fortunately), we are both employed and neither of us would have been able to check in to the show early enough, so we opted for dinner at Birds instead. So much fun! And thanks to Martini Guy, I am a huge fan of their chicken meatloaf and dirty martinis. Mmm.
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In job news, the company I work for has been purchased by our largest competitor (pending shareholder approval which should be interesting because it’s already being contested). The good news is that the purchase won’t become official for at least another 4-6 months, by which time I should be able to find a new job.
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I’m going up north to visit my friend Sara in a couple of weeks. I am so looking forward to this trip because I need to get out of town big time. Ghirardelli here I come! Other than that, we don’t plan to do any other touristy stuff.
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Does anyone know where to get powdered soy milk in LA? I tried Whole Foods, Trader Joe’s, and another similar market but they all say they used to carry it but that it’s been discontinued. I want to make a vegan version of the candy corn.
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In TV news, Heidi ate at Cheebo. The restaurant is walking distance from my apartment (have I walked there? um no); how dare she not say hello?
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I had a Jdate Tuesday night at The Village Idiot. Now, as much as I enjoy that place (especially their Pinot Noir), it’s just not conducive to having an actual conversation. It’s entirely too loud. Anyway, he was okay, but talked the entire time and didn’t ask me anything about myself. And, he bragged about producing a certain reality show until I asked if he knew our family friend’s son who was the executive producer on it. Hah. I don’t work in the industry but I can play that stupid game when I need to.
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I think I’m addicted to Scrabulous on Facebook. And I almost lost to a fifteen-year-old. I need to expand my vocabulary.
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Mazel tov to Randi and Michael on their engagement! Have I mentioned before that they met for the first time at a shindig I organized? I feel a tiny bit responsible.
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This week’s question: What is your favorite piece of useless trivia? Mine is “Did you know it’s anatomically impossible to lick your own elbow?”

More like random stuff, but whatever.

I had two moles on my back removed–one itched when clothing tags hit it and the other was really dark which is apparently a bad thing so he said off they come! You guys were right, they didn’t hurt much. Of course, I completely forgot I had one removed about a year and a half ago and it was obviously so not traumatic that I managed to forget about it. I also had a bunch of white bumps (yes, that’s the official name) around my eyes and on my eyelids that he removed. And those actually hurt more than the mole removal. When I asked him what caused them and how I can prevent getting more bumps, he explained that they come with age and there is nothing I can do. Nice. Anyway, everything is being biopsied but there’s nothing to worry about. And he told me, “You have wonderful skin. You don’t go out in the sun much, do you?” Was it my pasty white back that gave that away?

Speaking of the moles, after showering on Saturday, I found myself shedding tears of frustration. I had taken off the bandages that the doctor put on, and the larger of the two scabs started bleeding. I could barely reach the damn thing because it was of course in the middle of my back, and there was no way I would be able to replace the band-aid myself. Sometimes I hate that I’m single and live alone. I messaged my sister in a panic, and she came over and put band-aids on for me so I could get dressed and actually have a productive day and you know, wear a shirt.
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As you know, I am a writer. It’s my day job, it’s what I’m good at, and it’s what I enjoy. As you also know, I like food, hence my baking blog. So, imagine my excitement when I saw a job posting for a food writer! I applied, interviewed (turns out it was for a food blogger! and the office is casual!), was offered the position, and declined it due to the low salary. I was then offered the job at a slightly higher salary, but unfortunately, it is part-time and won’t work out financially. I had to decline it. Again. My heart sort of broke. Fortunately, it was only the first job I interviewed for, and hopefully, there will be many more interviews to come.
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In other news, I did five million loads of laundry, ran errands including Target with my sister, updated Wordpress on my baking blog, slept a lot, caught up on TV, made candy corn and oatmeal sandwich cookies, and had a very relaxing weekend. And oh yeah, I had a date with a boy I met last week while Hurrydating. Oh, did I neglect to mention went to Hurrydate? Well I did. And while this weekend’s date was nice and obviously interested, unfortunately, I’m not. Please save the “go out with him again” and “give him one more chance” things. Thank you in advance.
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This coming week should be fun! I’m having dinner with Melanie one night, and volunteering at the Big Brothers Big Sisters Poker Tournament another night; should be lots of cute boys there.
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Finally, something is wrong with my blog and there is a very noticeable lag when leaving a comment (and also when doing stuff behind the scenes). My hosting company seems to think it’s something I did, not something they did. Since I haven’t made any changes to anything and it started out of nowhere and they are unwilling to research the issue further, I am looking into switching to a new hosting company that comes highly recommended. However, I need a Wordpress guru to assist me in moving everything over. Let me know if you can help, thanks!

This past week has been rough. There are rumors going around my office that are stressing me out big time (sorry, won’t expand on that quite yet), but suffice it to say my lunch on Friday consisted of very not WW friendly chicken strips and french fries from Trimana while my dinner was a highly delicious yet not very nutritious Caramello bar. And in between those two calorie packed binges, I emptied out six years worth of personal crap from my desk at work, you know, just in case we get word we need to vacate our desks any time soon.
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I’ve never been good at saving money. Sure, I contribute regularly to my retirement accounts (hell, I’ll be able to retire in style!), but my savings account is rarely, if ever, where it should be for a working 33-year-old with a more than decent salary. I’d much rather spend my money on dinner with friends, or new shoes or clothes. Fun? Yes. Smart? Not so much. And so, I’m turning into a stress case. Here’s where I ask you to cross your fingers and hope that everything falls into place for me. I know, could I be more vague? Probably not.
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On a lighter note, Wednesday begins Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish new year. I’m going down to San Diego after lunch that day, and will spend time alternating between being at synagogue and eating delicious food. Thursday night is my parents’ night to host dinner, and we will have about 50 guests in our backyard. Needless to say, my mom has been rolling cabbage like a mad woman, and I made dessert to bring with us for Wednesday night dinner at our friends’ house.
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Speaking of dessert, I made World Peace Cookies that I froze and will bring down to SD and Chipster-Topped Brownies that I’ll bring into the office tomorrow. And in case you were wondering, yes, they are delicious.
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Sunday was date number four with FG. We went for dinner then rented a movie and hung out. He called me Hil for the first time, which made my heart skip a beat. I know, I’m such a sap.
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I’m not sure if I’ll be posting again before I head down to SD. So if I don’t, then Shana Tova to everyone–may you have a happy and healthy new year!

Just a brief post.

I had another just eh Jdate.

I also had a third date with FG last week; it was a lot of fun. Date number four will be sometime after I return from Seattle.
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In baking news, I made mini milk chocolate Bundt cakes that are beyond delicious. Dorie Greenspan’s recipes are amazing.
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September is going to be a crazy busy month. I’ll be in Seattle, then back and forth to SD for the Jewish holidays. Lots of traveling and baking. And hopefully some relaxing thrown in as well!
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I went to WW last week and lost one more pound (-11 total), woohoo!
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Last weekend I had dinner at Ugo in Culver City and it took me until halfway through our meal that I realized I was sitting directly next to a girl I grew up with in SD.

Speaking of Ugo, has anyone been to the wine bar, Vinum Populi, next door? You buy a debit card, insert it in the machine, choose which wine you want a pour(s) of, and you’re good to go. My friend wasn’t feeling well so we didn’t stay, but I definitely want to go back and have some tastes!
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And that’s it. Tomorrow I leave for Seattle and couldn’t be more excited. I’m staying with my cousin, but I’m planning on also visiting one or two friends, and my aunt and uncle will be in town as well. And of course, there’s Bumbershoot! I hope everyone has a wonderful long weekend.

Fifteen minutes before your agreed upon meeting time, your cell phone rings and you have this conversation:

Jdate: Are you there yet?
Me: Um, no, I just left. It’s only 6:45, I thought we weren’t meeting until 7:00.
Jdate: We are, but I’m going to be late, I went the wrong way.

Side note: Tonight’s Jdate is new to LA, so when we spoke last weekend on the phone, I told him the cross streets and to be on the lookout for the House of Blues corporate office sign, as well as the Coffee Bean sign, because the bar is hard to find. I also offered to email him the Citysearch link, but he declined it, saying that he would look it up on his own. It should also be noted he was coming from 15-20 minutes away, just on the other side of the hill.

Me: Where are you?
Jdate: Sunset and La Cienega.
Me: What? Why are you all the way over there?
Jdate: You said it was near the House of Blues.
Me: No, I said it was near the House of Blues corporate office.
Jdate: No, you said the House of Blues.
Me: Trust me, I said look for the House of Blues corporate office sign and the tall office building that says House of Blues at the top. I also said it was next to a Coffee Bean. I thought you were going to look it up?
Jdate: I just wrote down House of Blues because that’s what you said.
Me: I didn’t say that. The House of Blues is in West Hollywood. The Well is in Hollywood. They’re not close to each other.
Jdate: You said look for the House of Blues. So how do I get there?

By this point, I was already annoyed and didn’t want to meet him. I gave him directions to the bar, found a parking spot, then at 7:00, went inside and got myself a drink and sat down. Fifteen minutes later he walks right past me. I briefly debated letting him do a lap around the place but decided to be nice (karma) and tapped him on the shoulder. We said hello and then:

Jdate: You already got a drink?
Me: Well yeah, I’ve been here for 15 minutes.

And it didn’t get any better from there.

Let’s start with TV news: What a good week for Reality TV! The Hills was awesome as usual, and this time, we got to see Heidi’s co-worker say OMG which I just find absolutely hysterical. And does Justin Bobby not remind you of every guy you should not be dating? Ugh, I don’t like him, he’s bad.

Speaking of icky, does anyone else watch Dr. 90210? Um, why would Mike Boogie go on national TV to have a genital wart removed? And why didn’t Dr. Will tell him it might be a good idea to tell all the women he’s slept with, because maybe they now have HPV, and HPV is a leading cause of cervical cancer? I know reality TV’s purpose is not to educate their viewers, but I still think they could have thrown that out there.

In not icky reality TV, I was so surprised by the judge’s decision on Top Chef. I was definitely not expecting that one!

In related to TV news, my DirecTV Tivo seems to be wonky again. It’s recording every single episode, not just first runs, of The Hills and The Real World again. So annoying!
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In crazy news, did you see the articles about how “one in four adults read no books at all in the past year?” Talk about frightening.
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I have a Jdate tonight, think good thoughts!

In other dating news, FG called me last night for the sole purpose of apologizing for not calling like he said he would after our last date, and that he had some not-so-good health stuff going on with family which he dealt with when he went back home. We talked about possibly getting together before I leave for Seattle, but I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.
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Yesterday I talked to my Little’s mom and it appears she finally enrolled her in [hopefully the magnet program at the] high school, nothing like waiting till the last minute. Anyway, during our last outing, my Little told me she was going to Israel for a year in October. When I asked her mom about that, she said that they can’t move there now, because Israel won’t give her money (read: welfare) the way the U.S. does. God forbid she, you know, get a job. As much as I care about my Little, her mother kills me.
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Over the past few months, I have become obsessed with sunomono salads (Japanese cucumber salad, usually with crab). Does anyone have a recipe for the dressing? I looked it up on the internet, but they all vary a bit and I’d like a tried and true one.
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This week’s question: If you could implement any rule, about anything, what would it be?

Recent Jdate correspondences, in their entirety:

Email
[Hilary], I’m like you inside and opposite of you outside. I enjoy being funny and sarcastic, not caustic, sensual and romantic, travel, shopping a fair amount more than most guy’s, working out and all the stuff you listed in your profile.

Are you open to starting a conversation about life, chemistry, lots of love, fizzy lotte milkis, kids and everything?
0:

IM
Hello Boodles. Do you open boxes from out of town?

How To End An Email Exchange
Recently, I exchanged a series of fun, witty emails with a guy on Jdate. While re-reading his profile, I noticed he didn’t answer the questions about religion so I included this in my response:

This might be a stupid question, what with it being Jdate and all, but…are you Jewish? I noticed you put “Will tell you later” in the religion and synagogue boxes. Just a little curious.

I never heard back from him. So much for the J in Jdate.

And Finally
Someone from Jdate’s marketing department emailed me saying that they receive direct hits from my blog (how, I don’t know, considering I never link to them, and when I emailed him back for clarification, his response made no sense), and asked if I would like to participate in their Jdate Affiliate program. (If I were to put their banner ad on my page, I’d get a percentage every time someone subscribed, using the link.) Kinda funny.

Yes, I felt the earthquake last night. And thanks to it, I couldn’t get back to sleep until 3:00 because I kept waiting for a bigger one, so now I’m exhausted. Fortunately, today when I woke up I had an actual voice (for the first time in almost a week). Now if my sore throat will finally go away I’ll be all set.
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Earlier this week, a 26-year-old guy IMd me on Jdate and mentioned that he really likes older women. Ouch.
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For all intents and purposes, FG has been hit by The Bus. I hadn’t heard a peep from him until yesterday, when I received a really lame email saying he meant to call the other night but got busy with work, and that he’s swamped with work this week, and is going out of town next week. (Basically, I received the kind of email I’ve sent to guys I don’t want to go on another date with. Payback? Perhaps.) I was really bummed and a little surprised, I thought the second date had gone really well. I wrote him back, and part of my response included So I get the feeling you’re not interested in hanging out again. Care to confirm or deny? Not surprisingly, I haven’t heard back from him.

In related news, I made Boys Suck Brownies.

And in unrelated to brownies, but related to boys news, this brings me back to the whole mindset thing: If I go into meeting someone unenthusiastic and expecting the worst, people tell me I need to have a better attitude. If I go into meeting someone enthusiastic and expecting good things, I end up disappointed. Which is worse?
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If you’re looking for something to read, or have read something good lately that you’d like to share, check out the latest What Have You Read Lately? post.
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For those of you wondering, I never made it to Meltdown for lunch (instead we went to Nook). I was eating like crap that entire week and didn’t want to mess it up even further by eating grilled cheese. Of course, now I sort of regret not going, considering their Monday through Friday, breakfast/lunch only schedule.
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This weekend, I’m heading down to SD with my sister for some R&R (pool! Del Mar! parents! Julie!) and have plans to meet NJM on Sunday on our way back up to LA, in the late afternoon. My sister is going to visit her friend, and I am going to meet NJM. Interesting side note: When I suggested we meet at a coffee shop, his response was, “I don’t drink coffee.” So I offered up meeting for ice cream instead. Apparently he’s not a fan of that either, as he suggested we just meet at a shopping center with a Gelson’s in it and “go from there.” I’m so not looking forward to meeting him.
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Next weekend, I’m participating in a fundraising decathlon event that a friend’s friend is putting together. We’re doing a scavenger hunt then a little olympic style event (think egg toss and three-legged race). I’m hoping I don’t embarrass myself too much.
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This week’s question: What is your middle name? Does it have special meaning?

I knew the going out too much and not sleeping enough was going to catch up with me eventually. And it did, specifically at 2 a.m. Saturday morning.

Thursday
Straight from the office, I made my way to Ann-Marie and Jeremy’s to visit with them and see their baby. Oh my god, he is so cute and so sweet. He kept tugging on my finger, and when he was hungry, he tried to suck on my neck. It was quite funny.

Friday
When I got home from work, I felt a tickle in my throat and was beginning to lose my voice. Determined to not be sick for the weekend, I took some aspirin and convinced myself I felt fine.

FG picked me up and we went to The Woods. Since it was only 8:30, we were the only ones in the place for about 30 minutes, and we chatted with the bartender about the jukebox for a bit before settling into one of the round booths. The drinks there are huge and strong [side note: Instead of mixed nuts, they give you a glass of rice crackers, peanuts, and corn nuts; only in LA], and three plus hours and a few rounds later, we went back to my apartment and hung out. Around 2:00, I realized I couldn’t breath through my nose whatsoever and finally admitted that I was in fact sick. Before FG left, I apologized for possibly getting him sick; fortunately he didn’t seem too concerned about it.

It was a very lovely night, I had a lot of fun, he doesn’t have twelve toes, and there was non-specific talk of another date. Hopefully I didn’t jinx it by writing this and he will in fact call.

Saturday
I slept in until noon, took a shower, then ran one errand. I came home and felt horrible, so I got back into bed and slept pretty much the rest of the day, waking up to eat soup and watch Tivod stuff. Of course, this meant I did not make it to my friend’s birthday dinner, which sucked big time because I really wanted to be there. But I just couldn’t get my sneezing and coughing self out of bed long enough to brush my hair, let alone have a coherent conversation at a party.

Sunday
Woke up around 8:30 (which gave me about 12 hours of sleep) and threw some clothes on so I could go to WW. Expecting a huge gain from all the alcohol I consumed last week, I was pleasantly surprised to see I somehow managed to lose .8, which brings my total loss down to 10 pounds! Talk about ecstatic!

I then called NJM back and talked to him for about five minutes before my voice started cracking and disappearing. We talked about possibly getting together next weekend. I’m just not feeling it at all. The rest of the day was spent mostly in bed, save for a trip to the grocery store. I really want to kick this cold in the butt quickly and am doing everything I can to get rid of it!

Now I’m off to read and chill, (and will the phone to ring).

Sorry, no top ten list this time, but I do think this paragraph will suffice: I had my date with Friendster Guy (FG) last night, and it was very good. He is super nice, cute, funny, smart, and witty and has the most fabulous arms. While the night didn’t go as planned–we had intended to check out The Woods, but they were closed because their security guard had not yet shown up, so we ended up at The Well instead–it was still a lot of fun. We had a couple of rounds over good conversation at the bar, then went back to my apartment (for all of you concerned, we have a mutual friend and she deemed him a very good guy) and talked and kissed until he went home. It was a very nice night and I look forward to seeing him again. Now I need to find a caffeine drip, because four hours of sleep is not enough for this 33-year-old body.

After a short game of phone tag, NJM and I spoke on the phone; as expected, he was very nice. Unfortunately, much of the conversation was filled with ummms, uhhhs, and awkward pauses, and aside from baseball (thank god for the Kirk Gibson story) and neither of us having met the other person involved in this set up (that’s right, he never met Uncle Sid), it didn’t appear we have much in common. Nor much to talk about. However, he does have a writer/producer brother who lives in LA. Maybe I should meet him.

Anyway, NJM said he’ll call me next week to make plans to get together. Stay tuned.

I think I have developed an unhealthy obsession with the song Hey There Delilah. I just find it so romantic (I know, cheeseball) and would absolutely melt if someone were to write (or hell, even play) a song like that for me. Seriously. When the Rock Star offered to play his guitar for me, I was ready to offer him a lifetime supply of cookies. Of course, he then got hit by The Bus and I never heard from him again. Not quite the happy ending I was going for.
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In TV news, is anyone else watching The Next Food Network Star? I had read about the JAG discrepancy online, but I didn’t realize they were going to get into it on the show. Interesting! And Top Chef–I want Hung to leave already; he’s such a bugger.
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Guster released the dates for their fall tour and I’m so sad–they’re doing shows in SD and SF, but not LA. I am still holding out hope however, because there is an unscheduled day between those two shows, and LA would be a perfect fit. Cross those fingers!

In other Guster news, I won Guster at the Orange County fair tickets on MySpace of all places. The only problem is that the show is in OC, on a weekday, after work. Which means I’ll be sitting on the freeway while praying we get there on time. That’s why I told my other friend to count me out when she bought tickets for it last month. Nicole mentioned that she had wanted to go when she heard Toad was playing, but she didn’t buy tickets for the same reason. So, I’m going to decide in the next couple of days if we should brave the 405 or just do dinner in our ‘hood.
- – -
July is officially birthday month, and not just for me. I have four birthday celebrations to attend in the next two weeks. Fun, fun! Now if I could just find a plus one to take with me, I’d be all set.
- – -
Last weekend I bought that Body Glide stuff and some synthetic socks. Tonight I’ll actually be home before it starts to get dark, so I can finally try everything out.
- – -
In satiating a reader’s curiosity news, no, the hanging out with Mr. Chips nights were not dates, but I do have a new friend now.
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And in Nice Jewish Man (NJM) news, he called last night. Of course, he called as soon as I got home from a meeting and had just sat down with my dinner and Top Chef on Tivo. I let it go to voicemail and will call him back tonight. From the tone of his very formal message, I feel like we’re setting up an important business deal or something.
- – -
Remember how a few weeks ago I had to get a new Bluetooth since mine was defective? Well, the new one has also died. I should be receiving Jabra headset number three in the mail this week.
- – -
In random news, it looks like my apartment building will finally be recycling. Yay!
- – -
Monday at work, my Little called me three times to ask about when I was taking her for ice cream (I didn’t have any, go me!) later that night. I don’t mind getting personal calls at work, but three of them in a two hour span asking about our ice cream outing was a little too much. I was really tired from not getting enough sleep the night before, and by the time I picked her up, my patience was pretty much shot. I then sat there for 45 minutes listening to her talk about wilderness camp, and was quickly fading. I felt really badly, because she has stuff going on at home and I know she needed someone to listen to her, but I just didn’t want to deal with it then. I feel like such a bad Big for not giving her one hundred percent.
- – -
In more cheerful news, Marissa and I are going to the Dodger game this Sunday. It’s my first game of the season and I am so excited. Also, there will be some matches there (my Little is out of town, hence my taking Marissa), so I’m hoping Cute Big will be there with his Little. Doubtful, but ya never know.
- – -
And finally, MySpace is prematurely aging me. When I searched for myself by first and last name (um, doesn’t everyone search for themselves?), it said I was 33. I still have five days left of being 32. What’s the deal MySpace?
- – -
There is no question of the week. Sorry. But for a change of pace, feel free to ask me something.

Follows is the email exchange between my mom and the initiator of the email that started it all. My commentary is in italics. I should also point out that I was under the impression Uncle Sid was going to check this guy out for me prior to the phone number swap. As it turns out, Uncle Sid is meeting the guy tomorrow, but the phone numbers have already been given. Not cool.

I rec’d info about [Nice Jewish Man] from [Uncle Sid]….I have a 32, almost 33, year old darling daughter. How tall is [Nice Jewish Man], Hilary is 5′9″. Hope he is taller than that. She goes out with guys who are 5′8″ and taller. (Thanks for looking out for me mom!) I am also anxious to be a GRANDMA (notice the caps there?) and my hubby is dying to be a grandparent also (I thought that’s why you guys got the dog?). We can empathize with [Nice Jewish Man's Dad] (Hello, what about Bethany? Why is it solely my responsibility to reproduce tomorrow?). Let me know.

Barbara
- – -
Barbara,

I’m back from [out of town]. I had an opportunity to speak with Sid this afternoon and he speaks very highly of your lovely daughter (Of course he does, this is a set up, people don’t talk smack. Not that there’s smack to talk of course.). If you agree, I think the best approach is for me to speak with [Nice Jewish Man] and either he and Hilary can arrange a meeting, or, if you’re inclined, we can arrange a “blind date”. (Arrange a blind date? Hahahaha! Soooooooo not gonna happen.) In all events, I think that we should strike while the iron’s hot! (I think it’s down to cool.)

Let me speak with [Nice Jewish Man] and I will get back with you later today.
- – -
I spoke with [Nice Jewish Man]. He is a willing “victim”. (Uh huh, sure he is.) He would be happy to call Hilary and they can take it from there. Can you send me Hilary’s phone number? Alternatively, she can call [Nice Jewish Man] here, if she would like (949) XXX-XXXX. (Yes, he’s in OC. And he’s an attorney. Blah. Maybe he moonlights as something else, like the optometrist I dated who moonlighted as an actor. It could happen.)

I hope this turns into something really fun for these kids. (Fun? Setups are not fun.)

Best to you ~

[Initiator]

I suddenly feel like a business transaction. Someone save me. Please. There are cupcakes in it for you. Lots and lots of cupcakes.

Yesterday I got this email from my mom, which was forwarded to her from a family friend, who received it from his attorney friend:

[Nice Jewish Man], an attorney in my office (good looking and successful – works in real estate/transactional dept.), is looking for a wife. Actually, his father, also an attorney in my office, has agreed to pay me to find a nice girl (Jew or Gentile) that will wed his son and reproduce so that he doesn’t have to come into my office to see the faces of adorable grandchildren every day (mine). He wants some of his own!

In any event, if you know of any qualified ladies (he’s a big sports fan – played college baseball) in the age range of 28-35, let’s get them a date.

PS – If the girl wants to see his picture (which doesn’t really do him justice) ahead of time, he’s on the [lawfirm] wedsite …oops, I mean website.

(I was just kidding about the payment, I just like the kid and I think he’s adorable!)

I told my mom no way, and reminded her that she is not allowed to set me up with people she herself has not met. Yes, we all know I have a thing for baseball players, but I’ve already done the Orange County attorney thing and it didn’t work out so well. Either time. Plus, just because we’re both single and Jewish means we’re a good match? Not necessarily.

Anyway, your thoughts?

For your reading pleasure:

Let’s begin with a guy who put me on his hotlist then sent me a “flirt.” And oh yeah, his username is based on the first line of his essay which reads, I’m great in bed and looking for someone to spend some “quality” time with.

Isn’t there a section of Craigslist devoted to that? It probably would have been easier than the Jdate registration process.
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Next, we have the 46-year-old man in Texas who writes, I like your profile.

Gee, thanks.
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Finally, I emailed a local guy whose profile was witty, articulate, and humorous. He responded with a lovely email which included this post script: p.s. Many thanks for the note, but it’s just been decided that I’m going to be moving to South America…on MONDAY…so it seems my L.A. bachelorhood is coming to an end. Good luck in your search, m’Lady.

Elaborate blow off or the truth?

Well, today is Tuesday and according to his profile, he now lives in New York. Which last time I checked, isn’t anywhere near South America. Oh well.

Courtesy of my parents, indirectly.

IM (from a local guy with whom I’ve already corresponded)
hello there is your name [Hilary] or are you just very cold? ….caz I was wondering if I could warm ya up… Thanks for checking my profile out I’m almost done with my subscription to Jdate, so please if you get a chance, communicate with the myspace page? [his myspace page]

Email (from a guy on the east coast)
Subject: Hello there Pretty
Message: I must say this, even if you were going to be mad at me and shut me out from talking to you and getting to know you… I FELL IN LOVE WITH YOUR PICTURES… Apart from being sexy, what do you do for a living? I guess there must be something wrong with my eyes – I can’t take them off of you….What does it feel like to be the most beautiful person on this site? My mother would like you! What are the chances that we engage in anything more than just conversation? Could you please direct me to the nearest entrance to your heart?….It takes two to tango. So, when do we start?…I am sorry if that sounded so rude…Do Forgive my Rudeness…i Apologize… Can we get to know more about each other?
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Money well spent, non? Actually, I am corresponding with two guys who at least thus far, appear to be normal. I’ll keep you posted.

Last week, a Jdate profile caught my eye. The profile had a somewhat free-flowing writing style, and the guy listed a bunch of words that he used to describe himself. One of those words was “freak.” I know, I should have taken that as a hint. Instead, I emailed him and acknowledged that while there are a lot of freaks on Jdate, there are not a lot of self-proclaimed freaks on Jdate. I inquired as to what made him a freak.

And I um, got my answer: What makes me a self proclaimed freak? LOL…good question. To keep the email sweet and g-rated, lets just say I’m open minded sexually when it comes to being with my girl, and I like that sort of thing, even if my heart and mind are monogamous.

Curious, bored, and slightly unsure of what he meant, I asked him: Are you a) sexually open with your partner and only your partner or b) sexually open with multiple people but your “heart and mind are monogamous” as you said?

His response: c) all of the above…but have only ever brought “other” people into our relationship for a night, and then move on…more like a sex toy type thing…not swingers, just open.

I wouldn’t call him a freak–to each his own. But he’s definitely not for me.

Top ten reasons tonight’s date was not good:

1. Said date calls in the middle of the day to confirm the time and place for the second time in six days and you think, “How annoying,” rather than, “How sweet.”
2. While at work, you have conversations with coworkers that include sentences such as “What kind of baked goods do I need to bribe you with to slash my tire ever so slightly?” and “It wouldn’t be so bad to get a flat tire tonight, given it does not cause injury to anyone but manages to ruin my plans.”
3. He sees you sitting down in front of the agreed upon meeting place, smiles, says hi, then walks right past you.
4. Once he acknowledges you at the location he suggested–in front of the Coffee Bean at the Grove–he says, “I was thinking we could have dinner or see a movie.” What happened to coffee like we talked about on the phone? Twice.
5. He doesn’t even offer to pay for your $2.20 hot chocolate.
6. He asks you not once, but twice, if he was your only speeddating match.
7. He asks you not once, but twice, if you date a lot.
8. You’re sitting next to him thinking, “I missed To Catch A Predator for this?”
9. He asks what you do for fun with your friends and you say you go to a lot of theater, to dinner, and for drinks and he responds with “like cocktails?”.
10. After barely forty-five minutes of coffee drinking and talking, you yawn and declare it time to go home.

So much for speeddating. Back to Jdate perhaps?

Martini Guy and I won’t be going out again. I’m not going to get into specifics of what happened, but suffice it to say we have very differing opinions on something very important. And he wasn’t honest with me when he explained it.

Save the “he’s not the right guy for you,” “there are other men out there,” “when the time is right you will meet him,” “he doesn’t deserve you,” and all those words. It was only three dates. I’m not heartbroken.

However, I am very hopebroken.

Congratulations and mazel tovs are in order! To Julie and her family on their new home purchase, and to my cousin and her husband on the birth of their daughter Sabrina, who is so damn cute.
- – -
Last night was date number three with Martini Guy. He brought over a bottle of wine and we ate, drank, watched the Top Chef finale, and hung out. We bet on the winner and I won, although I’m not exactly sure what the prize is or when I’m collecting. And yes, it was a fun night and I do hope to see him again.
- – -
My Little corrected me the other day when I asked her how her oral presentation on Gandhi was coming along. Well, apparently it’s no longer an ORAL presentation, it’s a POWERPOINT presentation. When did I get old?
- – -
An only in LA moment: My building manager left me a message saying he had a favor to ask me. When I finally got ahold of him, he said he was looking “to borrow a star of david.” Um, why? For a movie he’s working on of course.
- – -
Yesterday was another tonsillectomy follow-up appointment. It’s been six weeks and my doctor says the “tonsil site” looks perfect. Good news!

Thursday
Confession time: I had a lovely date (courtesy of eHarmony.) We met for drinks at a martini lounge after work and stayed three and a half hours. He’s nice, smart, cute, and really funny. And asked me out again for Sunday night. We shall call him Martini Guy.

Friday
Came home from work and crashed as I was beyond exhausted from my week. Going out every night with the remnants of a cold is not a good idea in my 30s. However, what is a good idea: Mucus Relief PE. Amazing stuff. Thank you Mr. Pavilions Pharmacist for recommending it.

Saturday
Woke up at 8:00 (I know, crazy early for a weekend) and dropped my car off at the repair shop for a minor tune-up and oil change and asked them to see what the annoying squeak was when I braked. I walked the mile back home, did some laundry, and received a call from the repair shop telling me what I thought–it’s time for new front brakes. (My car is almost seven years old and I’m only now beginning to put money into it. Honda is awesome like that. So, do I hold on to it for a couple more years and continue to invest in shoes, or do I buy the new CRV this fall? Decisions, decisions.)

That afternoon, I did some more stuff around my apartment then walked back to the repair shop and arrived there about oh, five seconds before it started raining. Good timing.

Later that night, I met up with Karrin and we grabbed a bite to eat then saw Babel. Great movie, and lots of fun, as always, with Karrin.

Sunday
Up again entirely too early, I took my Little to the Beverly Center for shopping and lunch. Holy crap is the music in Wet Seal loud! We had a fun time as she tried on size zeros and complained they were too big. Yeah, whatever.

After shopping, I came home, cleaned my apartment, and got ready for date number two with Martini Guy. We went for drinks and dinner then came back to my apartment and hung out. We had a lot of fun and once again, the date was lovely. We talked about watching the finale of Top Chef on Wednesday since we both dig the show. Have I mentioned he’s really cool?

Now I’m going to bed in an attempt to not jinx myself.

If you haven’t watched Top Chef yet, you may want to skip the TV part (and comments) for this post.

An addition to my Things I Won’t Miss Should They Go Away Forever list: Pinkberry. (Plain yogurt that is frozen? I don’t get the hype. It’s gross.) Please stop. Go away. Enough. No more.
- – -
Last night my friend Karrin and I went to the Mortified show. As always, it was great. I first saw Mortified in 2003, and the show just keeps getting better and better! And the venue, King King, was really cool too–they even have their own parking lot, which meant no driving around Hollywood searching for a parking spot.
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I ended up with one match from Speeddating. He called last night as I was on my way out to the show. Pretty cool!
- – -
In TV news, I haven’t yet watched Beauty and the Geek, but I did watch Top Chef. I’m disappointed Sam got eliminated (and by the way, how cute is he with a hat?), but after reading this, I wasn’t terribly surprised.

In other TV news, just when you thought MTV couldn’t come up with any other crazy shows, they premiered Engaged and Underage the other day. I watched it while I was home sick. Yes, it was as awesome as you think it would be.
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I heard Satellite by Guster on Indie 103.1 yesterday. So cool!
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Yesterday, in an attempt to show my boss my latest yet-to-try-obsession (McDonald’s cinnamon roll middles, or whatever they’re called), I went to the McDonald’s site and ended up here. Someone please tell me what this is all about. And how do I vote for www.i-am-jewish.com for next month?

For your reading pleasure (and to somehow convince myself the past two hours were not a a total waste), I now present snippets of a few of tonight’s speeddating conversations:

Speeddate #1
Him: So what’s your sign?
Me: Leo.
Him: Oh cool. So tell me about Leos.
Me: Um, I don’t know anything about astrology.
Him: I’m a Libra. You’ll probably want to break up with me now because we’re indecisive.
Me: Okay.

Speeddate #2
Him: Wow, those are some boots!
Me: Thanks, I like them.
Him: You could totally kick my ass with those couldn’t you?
Me: Don’t you know it.

Speeddate #3
Him: Where are you from?
Me: I’m originally from Michigan but grew up there then in San Diego.
Him: So you’re American?
Me: Yep.
Him: I grew up in Iran. I’m Persian.
Me: I see.
Him: My parents are Iranian. Where did your parents grow up?
Me: Detroit.
Him: But what are they?
Me: Detroiters?

Speeddate #4
Him: I know you!
Me: You do?
Him: Yeah, we know a mutual guy.
Me: Who?
Him: You dated [The Ex] right?
Me: Yes, I did.
Him: He and I were fraternity brothers, we were both founding fathers of the house.
Me: Holy crap. Small world.
Him: I used to go to Chi Chi’s with you and [The Ex] all the time.
Me: Holy crap. Small world.
Him: (blah blah blah)
Me: Holy crap. Small world.

There were a few conversations that weren’t as painful, and I did put two yeses, so we’ll see what happens. But holy crap. Small world.

This is a very abbreviated Thursday Things as I’m feeling like crap today. Just so you know.
- – -
The other day, I checked my home voicemail from work and was surprised to find a voicemail from an investigator at the Clark County Coroner’s office in Vegas. Turns out he was looking for information on the woman who lived across the hall from me until she died a few years ago. In her apartment in Hollywood. Not in Vegas. A little odd if you ask me.
- – -
Last night was date number two with Divorced Dad. We had dinner at Chan Dara in Hollywood then came back to my apartment and talked for about an hour. It should be noted that unlike Mugged Guy, Divorced Dad did open my car door. But anyway. Dinner was delicious and the conversation was pretty good. I learned a little about why his marriage ended, a lot about his kids, and then we bonded over 80s music and Dr. 90210. I do believe a third date is in the works. Also to be noted: There’s no way Divorced Dad is 5′10″ like he claimed to be, because even with my tiny one inch heels I was towering over him, and I’m only 5′9″. But it’s okay because his awesome arms more than make up for it.
- – -
In TV news, there is no news! Sweeps is over and the programming is all weird now. I have Top Chef and The Biggest Loser on Tivo, so please don’t tell me what happens. And no How I Met Your Mother this week. What was that all about?
- – -
In tonsil news, I got a really bad sore throat on Tuesday afternoon so I visited the doctor Wednesday morning. He did a Strep culture which will most likely be inconclusive as I had only finished my last dose of antibiotics a week prior, and they stay in your system for up to ten days. Anyway, he said it appears I have a virus (yay for a totally shot immune system!), and am to “take it easy” this weekend. And by that he means a) no alcohol and b) no group events or parties. Could there be any worse time of the year for those social restrictions? I think not. And to top it off, this weekend I was supposed to attend my first ever cookie exchange. I’m so sad.

The two good things to come out of the doctor’s appointment were that a) since it appears to just be a virus, my surgery is still happening as planned and b) he sprayed my throat with Novocaine so it was completely numb and didn’t hurt for most of Wednesday. Love that stuff.

Unfortunately, I woke up this morning with a crazy headache, bloody nose, and super sore throat. I’m going to pop some Extra Strength Tylenol (oh yeah!) then go back to bed and hope my virus and the Santa Anas are gone when I wake up.

Wow, I really wasn’t expecting that last post to generate so much hatred toward Mugged Guy. I wasn’t trying to bash him (okay, fine, maybe a little), I just wanted to fill you guys in. Thanks for all of your comments, they are very interesting, if not slightly overwhelming.

And following this fiasco, I’ve decided it’s time for me to go with my gut a little more often, especially when it comes to potentially flaky, shady, or unavailable guys. I’ve been ignoring little things because I’ve been hearing certain people tell me “You need to give him a chance. Don’t write him off so fast.” Sorry Mom.
- – -
I realized I’m too old to shop at Express (save it) when I walked in then right back out two seconds later because the music was so damn loud it hurt my head.
- – -
DG apparently understood what I said to him about being flaky and stuff as he’s been calling me regularly trying to make plans.
- – -
Because of my surgery, it looks like I’ll be spending New Year’s Eve either with my parents, a married friend whose husband is working, or a married friend and their children. Or possibly with a cute boy if I find one sometime soon. And per the doctor’s orders, I’m only allowed one sip of champagne.
- – -
Speaking of cute boys, Wednesday is date number two with the Divorced Dad. He’s coming down here–can’t remember if I mentioned it, but he lives waaaay out (so he can live close to his kids) in Stevenson Ranch, a cookie-cutter-strip-mall-chain-restaurant filled area near Santa Clarita, and it’s quite a drive during rush hour. I’m looking forward to the date. Unfortunately not as much as I was looking forward to my second date with Mugged Guy. But then again, look how that one turned out.
- – -
I am so happy the blonds got booted from The Amazing Race. So so happy.
- – -
My two week surgery countdown has begun! Buhbye tonsils!
- – -
I think a standard question when meeting a new guy may become, “How long ago was your last relationship and are you over your ex?” A couple months into dating the Orange County attorney that my friend Jen tried to set me up with earlier this year (we got a good laugh out of that), his ex-girlfriend showed up at his door asking to give their relationship another go. (They tried and failed.) Seriously, I don’t want to deal with that kind of shit anymore.

And I forgot to mention–I asked Mugged Guy when he and his ex-girlfriend broke up. His response was “It’s personal and I don’t want to talk about it.” Uh, yeah.

*Updated, see below*

Friday
I was supposed to have dinner with a friend, but she was sick so that got canceled. Instead, I did four loads of laundry, watched Law & Order, then went to sleep before the 11:00 news. I was really tired.

Saturday
Slept in, cleaned my apartment, then went to Trader Joe’s. I hadn’t been there in a month and wow, what changes! They moved everything around, so I had to hunt for everything I wanted which was kind of annoying. However, they now sell individual pieces of fruit! No more having to buy four of everything! And I can pick and choose which pieces I want! Okay, maybe I’m the only one so excited about this.

After shopping, Mugged Guy called and we firmed up plans for that night–we decided we’d just watch a video. He’d been up since four in the morning taking care of some stuff at his store (he got started early so he’d be done in time to see me, awww) and was exhausted and I was more than happy with just staying in.

Anyway, quick recap of the date: We talked for an hour or two then watched part of the movie he brought over (which he offered to leave with me so I could finish) until he began fading very quickly and decided he should head home. We talked about how this is a pretty crappy time for him to get to know someone, because he had no idea he’d be so busy with opening his store. He said if we had met earlier in the year things would have been much easier because he was home from work by 7:00 everyday. After that lovely conversation, we hugged and kissed goodnight (I was on my tiptoes!) and talked about seeing each other again, definitely way before my surgery. He said he’d call on Sunday.

Before I went to bed, I emailed Julie and told her I finally met someone I was excited about; someone I could see myself really getting to know.

Sunday
Slept in again then picked up my Little for an afternoon of manicures and pedicures for all the Big Sisters and Little Sisters. It was a lot of fun and I got to meet some of the other matches which was really nice.

After dropping my Little off at home, I checked my voicemail and had a message from Mugged Guy. He’d been thinking about his crazy schedule, and decided right now is not the time for him to be dating someone new but said, “I definitely hope we can still be friends,” and to give him a call back.

I’m sad. I give up. I totally give up.

*Update* When we talked on the phone this morning, he mentioned how his ex-girlfriend offered to help him open the store, as she has experience with the type of business he’s opening. Shortly after that, he told me that hanging out with me Saturday night made him realize he’s not over her. Oh, so glad I could help him with that one.

I finished Knitting Under the Influence and absolutely loved it. Except–there’s one line where the author writes, Sari bought the costume and they threw the bag into Lucy’s car, then left it there while they walked the thirteen blocks down Wilshire Boulevard to the shoe store. Yeah, this is LA she’s talking about. No one walks thirteen blocks in LA.
- – -
Last night was my date with Divorced Dad. He’s really nice, I had a fun time, and he said he’d like to see me again. Over drinks, he told me that my smile is even more beautiful in person, which I thought was really sweet. Awww.

In other dating news, Saturday night is date number two with Mugged Guy. I’m really looking forward to seeing him again. Speaking of which…you may remember he and I figured out we have a friend in common. Well, he hasn’t yet asked how I know her, but I have a feeling it may come up eventually, and this freaks me out a little. Because, as you know, our mutual friend is Eve, and I met Eve via my blog. Which means, if he asks, I will have to tell him I have a blog. I hope he doesn’t ask.
- – -
In other news, it’s been freezing here. Cold enough that I’ve finally stopped sleeping with my window open and instead turned on the heat. Brrr.
- – -
Okay, on to TV. I really really dislike the blonds on The Amazing Race. What About Brian seems to have disappeared. Top Chef wasn’t on either. The new Real World is sucky. And what was with the whole Real World! Denver! Colorado! in the opening. Like there’s another Denver we may confuse it with? Huh? But I digress. Law & Order finally has Benson back. Yay! And I have The Biggest Loser tivod and ready to watch. Any thoughts on any of these shows?

Friday
Saw Borat in Century City with Karrin. Oh. My. God. I haven’t laughed that much during a movie in a really long time.

Saturday Day
Unsuccessful with sleeping in, I went grocery shopping entirely too early for a Saturday morning. I saw a woman in the market I kept thinking looked really familiar. Yeah, um, turns out she was on Dr. 90210. Maybe I’m watching too much reality tv.

Got home, cleaned up my apartment, got back together with Surfas, and received a panicked call from Mugged Guy. He’s in the process of opening his own store and had an electrical emergency that needed attention that night which morphed our dinner plans into one drink plans. (He wasn’t sure what time he had to meet the electrician and didn’t want to have to rush dinner.) It wasn’t really a big deal to me, because I was hoping to drive out to Santa Monica after meeting Mugged Guy so I could make an appearance at my sister’s birthday party later that night.

Saturday Night–The Date
Mugged Guy picked me up (I figured since Eve knows him it was safe for me to get in his car) and we headed over to The Cat for a drink. One drink turned into a couple rounds, and almost two hours (and as I later found out, three unanswered phone calls from the electrician) later, we headed back to my apartment. In the car, he said that of all the blind dates he’s been on, this was by far, the best. [ed. note: Aww.] He walked me to the door, we chatted a bit, hugged goodnight, each said we’d like to get together again, and he said he’d call soon. It was a really nice night.

Sunday
Woke up too early again. I think it’s because the heat was pouring in through the window and I was too lazy to turn the air conditioning on. Went back to the market to pick up stuff I completely forgot the day before (hate that!) then went to work on Ann-Marie’s chocolate birthday cupcakes.

I’ve lounged around in my pajamas since finishing the cupcakes, and now it’s time for me to finally get showered and dressed so I can head out to the Westside, with cupcakes in my handy cupcake courier, for Ann-Marie’s birthday bash.

A very fun weekend!

Remember Mr. Tuesday Night? Turns out he didn’t quite flake on me exactly. He uh, was mugged at gun point, according to the email I received from him today. Seriously. He even offered to show me the police report.
- – -
And remember when I had to take those antibiotics that made my stomach a mess? Yeah, back on them while we await the results of my throat culture. If it’s positive, my surgery may be postponed. I’ll know more Monday.

Happy birthday to my best friend Julie! I hope you have a wonderful day filled with lots of fun and of course, yummy birthday desserts. And maybe even a babysitter!
- – -
Last night I finally had date number four with DG. (He kept saying he thought it was date six, but whatever.) He was late again, this time because as he was making an “87-point turn” out of a parking spot, he tapped the car behind him as the car’s owner was standing there watching. According to DG, the guy spazzed out and they had to talk about it for quite a while, which made him late. Um, okay.

Anyway, I wore my new jeans (love them!) and we went to The Well for drinks then back to my place for smooching. It was a fun night, and while he apologized for taking entirely too long to call following our last date (he blamed it on work), I still don’t see anything longterm with him. But I do enjoy spending time with him, does that make sense? We talked about possibly getting together this weekend, depending on my [busy for a change] social calendar and his work schedule.

As a side note, after dating CL Guy and now DG, I have determined that guys who work in production have crazy schedules, because they never know how late the show they’re working on will wrap, and half the time they wrap really late.
- – -
And finally, I voted. My polling place was the International Cinematographers Guild, and for the first time in many years, at 7:30 in the morning I was not the first person to show up. It was pretty uneventful–I only had to repeat my name and address twice, the little machine that sucks in the ballot at the end is kinda cool, and I was not felt up by an old man putting a sticker on my chest.

It’s Tuesday night and I’m sitting on my sofa, in sweats, alone, watching the third game of the World Series. What is wrong with this picture?

If you answered, “Shouldn’t you be getting ready for/having drinks with Mr. Tuesday Night?” you are correct.

Yes, he flaked. F – L – A – K – E – D. Flaked. He was supposed to call me last night to finalize plans, namely a place and a time, but I never heard from him.

I had a gut feeling about his flakiness last week when he cancelled because he was sick, but ignored it thinking it was my own paranoia. Plus, we have a friend in common, and she said he’s a really good guy.

What kind of guy doesn’t even have the courtesy to cancel a first date? Hell, even an email cancellation would have sufficed. He’s just plain rude.

Girl, in a moment of antibiotic and antiviral medication induced stupidity, puts an ad on Craigslist. Girl receives a bunch of emails from boys. Girl responds to five. One in particular stands out, and an email exchange commences. Phone numbers are swapped. Girl thinks Boy is too good to be true–Jewish, 36, 6′3″, former doctor turned screenwriter–hey it’s LA, it’s entirely possible.

Then, Girl receives email from Random Girl claiming to be the girlfriend of a boy (she wouldn’t say his name) who was snooping in her boyfriend’s email (don’t ask me why) and insists that her boyfriend (who Girl has been corresponding with) is not who he says he is, whatsoever.

Girl MySpaces and Googles and Friendsters all five boys (and Random Girl) using their email addresses. All but the Boy she is excited about check out. Research indicates said Boy is 27, Catholic, divorced, and um, very obviously not a doctor. Random Girl is 22.

Girl thinks either a) Random Girl is a wacko; b) Boy is a liar; c) They are both nuts; d) Craigslist is still a bad place to meet men; e) All of the above.

Girl decides on e) All of the above.

And that my friends, is why you should say no to drugs Craigslist.

Friday
This heat is making me lazy. I stayed home and watched TV and talked on the phone all night. My friend Ann-Marie called and said she had a bridal shower baking gig for me–I am so excited! Now I just need to get some business cards designed. Any volunteers?

Saturday
I slept in, ran errands, then trekked out to the hot Valley for a day of pampering. It was 120 degrees in Chatsworth. Insanely hot. Following my mani/pedi and hair cut and color, I came home and relaxed for a bit before getting ready for my date with DG. We had originally planned to get together around 8:00, which turned into 9:00, which turned into 9:15. I later found out he was working nights while he was out of town so his sleep schedule was all out of whack and he was lagging yesterday. Anyway, we went for a late sushi dinner then hung out at my apartment for a while. Dinner was a lot of fun. DG makes me laugh, is quite easy on the eyes, and while we have some silences, they’re never awkward, at least not to me.

Also, while we were hanging out, I asked DG if I could possibly bribe him to go to IKEA with me (he has a large SUV and I want to buy a desk). He responded by saying of course he would go, and a bribe is not necessary. I thought that was sweet. He also mentioned he had his first red velvet cupcake recently and that he loved it. I think I’m going to bake him a batch as soon as temperature outside is lower than that of my oven.

Sunday
Woke up way too early and picked up my Little. We had planned on going to the Santa Monica Pier, but when I picked her up around 11:00 it was hot and humid and lightening outside. I figured the pier wasn’t the best idea so we ended up at the Beverly Center instead. Food court, Wet Seal, and dozens of pictures of ourselves at the Apple store later, we hit Cold Stones then I took her home.

Now I’m going to take a short nap because I got to sleep really late last night and want to be awake to celebrate my birthday tomorrow.

Detroit Guy (DG) picked me up and we drove out to Universal to attend a cast and crew screening of You, Me and Dupree last night. Interesting side note: After parking the car, he walked back to it and opened the lid to the gas tank. Not the cap itself, just the thing that pops open so you can unscrew the cap. Anyway, he put his keys under the lid, closed it, then walked back to where I was. I looked at him like he was nuts and asked why he did that. He said something about not wanting to carry his keys (yet he had his Blackberry/big cell phone and wallet in his pockets) so I offered to put them in my purse. I had visions of coming back to the car and it being gone. What the hell? Is putting keys there a normal thing?

Okay, back to the date…

Before the movie, we made like tourists and grabbed drinks and an appetizer at Hard Rock (hey, we were at City Walk…our options were limited.) DG introduced me to a guy he works with then we ate, drank, and people watched. Conversation was sort of eh–I just don’t get much intellectual stimulation from him and that is definitely not a good thing.

During the movie, he put his arm around me and held my hand, it was sweet. After the movie, we saw more of his coworkers, then snuck out so we wouldn’t have to chat with them all night and grabbed soft pretzels on the way to the car. He drove me home and I invited him up for a bit of talking and smooching. While upstairs, he was looking at some pictures on my shelf and recognized Eve and Tamara from their pictures on Jdate. So funny. And in case you were wondering, I thought the movie was okay–kinda stupid funny; he thought it was hysterical. And when did Matt Dillon get so old?

It was a fun night and we talked about getting together again. Do I see anything long-term? Probably not. But he’s a fun guy. If I could take certain qualities of Nice Guy and mix them with the chemistry of DG, I’d be all set.

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As always, write a story using at least five of the search phrases. And if you’re a new reader, tell me how you got here. Please.
- – -
And in other news, tomorrow night Detroit Guy is taking me to a cast and crew screening of You, Me and Dupree. Should be fun! And I love me some Matt Dillon.

Met the new Jdate guy (he’s from Detroit, so we shall call him Detroit Guy) at The Well which was…closed! After a slight panic that my favorite bar may be closed, (yes the sign on the door says they open at 8:00 on Sundays and it was after 8:00 so I am very concerned), we ended up at El Compadre for dinner and flameless(!)-flaming margaritas. Dinner was fun (food was whatever, drinks were good). Conversation flowed. He’s cute. Has a good job. Had a very different family life growing up. Didn’t finish college. Walked on the street side of the sidewalk. Asked me out again. Kissed me goodnight; and I kissed him back. Called to make sure I made it home okay.

I drove out to his place so that we could have lunch then walk around 3rd Street and the pier. Lunch was delicious. The weather was perfect. The ocean was beautiful. We played air hockey; he won 7-6.

I’m trying to like him. I really am. He’s a great guy. But when he leaned in and kissed me goodbye I felt absolutely nothing. Not a thing. He asked me out again.

Tonight is a date with a new Jdate guy. Stay tuned.

The date was lovely. Dinner was fun. Conversation flowed easily. Found out he was a child actor (oy, only in LA) and has a creative side business doing something he enjoys. He is nice. He opened doors, grabbed the bill, complimented me on my shirt, and asked me out again before we left the restaurant. He likes 80s music, can throw out movie lines like nobody’s business, enjoys improv, and didn’t make fun of me when I made a mess eating a turkey burger. After dinner, he drove me home, walked me to my door, hugged me goodnight, and said he’d call to make plans for another date. And I know he’ll call.

Everything sounds good, right? Except…I keep thinking he’s missing something. Some kind of edge. Here’s to hoping I’ll see it on our next date.

Spent an hour and forty-five minutes talking at a coffeehouse/pizza place (I know, weird combo). He is nice, cute, a writer, a musician, and a gentleman. Younger than me. Taller than me. Unemployed at the moment, but not because he’s a writer/actor/comic. Paid the bill while I was in the restroom. Asked me out for a second date (dinner) while still seated at the table; I accepted. He said he’d call to make plans. Walked me to my car. Hugged goodnight.

He’s cool. Wasn’t love at first sight or anything, but I would like to get to know him more and am looking forward to our dinner date. Yay for good, normal dates.

You know those days you just feel off? Like your body and your mind aren’t communicating well, and you just know something’s about to explode?

Well, it just did.

I recently received a response to a very old what’s new email from The Ex. In it, he said he had something to tell me but wanted to talk to me over the phone or in person, rather than online. When I asked why, this landed in my inbox:

You know that I am getting married in 4 months right?

Um, no I didn’t. But I do now.

My frog is finally someone else’s lobster. I’m happy for him, but sad for me. And the phone call made me cry. A lot.

Have I mentioned that Julie, Eve, and Marnie are all out of town this weekend and I’m having a minor freak-out right now?

Besides the obvious no chemistry:

1. While he was at the bar getting drinks (dirty vodka martini for you, mango martini for him), a guy walks past and asks if you’re on a blind date.
2. Within five minutes of sitting down, he asks “Want to see my scar?” You say no, but he still shows it to you anyway.
3. Then he asks if you have any scars. After replying yes, he asks where it is.
4. You tell him, “It isn’t visible with clothing on,” in a very non-flirtatious manner. [ed. note: I had a lump removed from my breast about six years ago.] and he continues to ask about the scar. (Weird fascination perhaps?)
5. He says, at least five times, that he’s looking to marry a rich woman who will support him.
6. He explains he hasn’t seen his parents or brother in over three years. Because they live on the east coast and it’s an expensive flight.
7. He laughs. A lot. At his own jokes.
8. You yawn. A lot. Before 9:00.
9. During a conversation about hair color, he reaches over the table and touches your hair, then declares it soft.
10. He asks you out again. You say, “call me.”

So, no chemistry coupled with the above doesn’t really make for a second date.

The date was pretty uneventful, in a he got me water and doesn’t share a bed with his roommate kind of way. He asked me out again, I told him to call me. (I know, I’m a wuss.) Unfortunately, there wasn’t any chemistry. It just wasn’t there. None. Nada. Zilch. Nice guy, but not the one for me. I’m sure he’ll make someone else very happy some day.
- – -
In other news, tomorrow night post-gym, I should be on the phone with bachelor #2, a tall, employed (employed!) TV writer originally from the east coast. I’m super excited about this one. Which of course, will only lead to disappointment. Ah, the adventures of Jdate. Don’t you wish you were Jdating too?

*Nice Guy No Chemistry

Mazel tov to David–can’t wait to see Behind Everyman on the big screen!
- – -
In dating news, I recently met a man I thought may have potential to possibly be someone really special. Unfortunately, he thinks the almost 400 miles separating our zip codes is too much distance. Yeah, I’m a little disappointed.

In Jdate news, there are a couple prospects (we’ll see if any of them turn into actual dates), one of whom may be a comic. I’ve been missing my comics!
- – -
Speaking of comics, last night I started to watch the Last Comic Standing season premier but got bored after watching only the LA auditions. What a waste of time and I didn’t even see any comics I’ve already dated. Blah.
- – -
In case anyone else was wondering how to download pictures from your RAZR phone, I figured it out! Just get the software and a USB, and you’re good to go. You can even charge your phone using the USB. Cool, huh?
- – -
And finally, totally unrelated to anything above, my skin is so dry (yay for Dramatically Different Moisturizing Lotion samples!) I think my face may fall off. What is the deal with this weather?

Those of you following along at home may remember tonight was my date with the guy from Speeddating.

You may also remember that we had originally made plans for dinner at a cute little Italian restaurant close to both my office and his apartment. Minor change of plans. Sunday night he called me to firm up our plans and said he’d have to work late Monday and would be unable to do dinner, so would I mind doing drinks on his way home from the office instead. I told him that was not a problem and we decided on (you guessed it), The Well. Anyway, he then threw out 7:00. How 7:00 is okay for drinks but too late for dinner was a little odd, but whatever, I went with it.

Of course, during the day I decided I didn’t want to go and IMd Eve telling her I wanted to cancel. She told me to go, have a drink, it’s only an hour of my day, etc. So I came home, got dressed, ate an early dinner, and left for The Well. And had a surprisingly good time. He’s a lot cuter than I had remembered, very funny, kind, and the conversation flowed nicely. Two hours and a couple of drinks later, we hugged and said our goodnights.

And that was it. No mention of another date. No I’ll call you. Nothing. Oh well. Maybe I should just be happy he didn’t refuse to get me a glass of water, right?

(Updated–see the bottom of the post.)

You guessed it–Eve and I speeddated tonight. It was interesting, and thankfully nowhere close to as horrible as last time. In fact, I might even call the experience pleasant. I know, what a shocker, huh?

Of course, disorganization reigned supreme, as there were about five or six women and eight or nine men. We each got to meet seven men, and as my luck would have it, I missed out on meeting the cute doctor (originally from San Diego no less!). And fortunately, there were no majorly blatant freaks.

I did put a few yeses, although I can only remember two of them really well. The whole thing is rushed–they ring a bell (yes, literally ring a bell), your date sits down, you write his name on a card, and you chat for seven minutes. Then they ring the bell again and your date ends. At that point, the guy moves to the next table and you have to indicate on the card whether or not he was polite and whether or not you would be interested in swapping spit phone numbers. He apparently does all this while walking to the next table. The lame thing is, there is no break between dates, so you are literally circling yes or no as the new guy is sitting down. Kinda silly.

Halfway through, the bell ringing woman gathered us all in a group (keep in mind, we’re in the middle of a very open Coffee Bean at Santa Monica and Beverly Glen) for a little dvar torah (bell ringing woman’s description, not mine) about Aish. People were very obviously annoyed at this point, as we were all there to meet other singles, not hear a lecture about the organization. But whatever, we got over it and continued dating.

Of course, after the last bell, Eve and I, along with another girl, compared notes and all determined the guy in the pinstripe suit was really cool.

I’ll update this post on Thursday and let you know if I have any matches. In the meantime, I have to get the sound of ringing bells out of my head before I go to sleep.

Update: I didn’t match with the pinstripe suit guy, but I did match with the other one I remembered putting yes to. So, we shall see what happens!

Email #1 (I initiated the email exchange, this is his response)

[Hilary], I am really just sticking my toe in the swimming pool on jdate…just feeling out the waters. I’m in a bit of a funk from getting out of my last relationship… just to warn you.

it’s not you that makes me unresponsive…you’re very attractive.

i am just not looking for the same thing that most girls are looking for on jdate…i imagine. there’s a disconnect.

Huh? Unresponsive about…? Disconnect from…?

Email #2 (different guy)

Your like the energizer rabbit…..still going (that I know of 2 1/2 years here)! You are Jdate! I hope they appreciate you!!

Glad I wasn’t here for a year and a half …this a tough place,
no doubt you agree to some extent!

Good luck!

Fuck you. Have a lovely day.

Here we go:

Flirt #1

Message: We seem to have so much in common, let me know if you agree.

Well, considering you a) are 44-years-old; b) live in Colorado; and c) don’t want to have any more children, I’d have to go with no.

Email #1

Subject: Hello
Message: Hi, your profile looks interesting…email me if you would like to chat.
Xxxx

Someone please explain to me what the deal is with these emails. Why can’t he say exactly what he finds interesting about me? And give me something to respond to? Or completed essays?

Email #2

Subject: hi
Message: Is there a reason we keep checking each others profile?

Um, he looked at mine. So I looked at his. Then he looked at mine again.

Email #3

Subject: hi there
Message: i am Xxx
i would love to hear from you soon
have a nice day

Again, say something I can respond to. Anything. Or at least have completed the essays.

Missed IM #1

Message: Hello?

Three. Separate. Times. After I already told him thanks, but I don’t think we’re a good match.

Grrr.

Uh huh…we’re back to the top ten list. Sigh.

Here we go:

• He emailed (not called) to make final plans at 2:00 in the afternoon the day of the date.
• He has his mind set on seeing V For Vendetta and laughs when you say you’d rather do something that would give you more of a chance to talk.
• He complains about driving all the way out to Hollywood (from West LA) to pick you up. Then you find out he took Olympic instead of Santa Monica. Well duh. Olympic is kinda far south.
• He’s 15 minutes late. Again, duh. Olympic.
• He calls you from a side street on the other side of your street because he can’t read the addresses. This is after he said, “I can find it” when you tried to give him directions over the phone earlier.
• He whines about LA drivers. He only moved to LA in July, so he doesn’t have whining rights yet.
• He swears a good five times at the driver of a car who cut him off. Let it go.
• He asks you if you want anything from the concession stand at the theater and when you say you’d love some water, he says, “$3.75 for a bottle of water? What a rip-off.” You still get it.
• He tells you he went to The Well last night with his buddy. I stole that place from CL Guy–it’s mine. Midwest Guy isn’t allowed to steal it from me.
• He doesn’t pay you one compliment all night.

And to think I missed some TiVo’d Law & Order eps for this.

As you may remember, I last heard from Midwest Guy on Wednesday when he emailed me the oh-so-verbose note asking if I was interested in seeing V for Vendetta. I responded on Thursday via email with: “Sure.” Yes, it’s all about the vagueness now.

Well…he called (on the phone!) later that day. At 10:15 p.m. to be exact. A little late to call, no? He left a voicemail asking if I wanted to see a movie Friday night.

I called him back earlier today and left a voicemail saying, “Would love to do something tonight, but I already have plans. Maybe next week?”

Less than five hours later, he called me back and said, “Next week, huh?” I think perhaps he got the hint you can’t call someone the night before to ask her out for a second date.

Speaking of second dates, ours is Wednesday.

Boy emails Girl. Girl emails Boy. Boy and Girl talk on phone and make plans to meet. Boy and Girl meet for drinks, which turns into drinks then dinner.

Girl emails Boy to say thanks. Boy emails Girl and says thanks for the nice note and asks Girl out again (but does not suggest a specific day). Girl emails Boy and says she’d love to, and to give her a call to figure out the details (in attempt to get away from email, and back onto the phone).

Three days pass.

Boy has not called nor emailed Girl. Yet, Boy has read Girl’s email and logged onto Jdate at least a million times. Therefore, Boy a) sucks; b) is lame; c) isn’t such a nice Midwesterner; d) is playing games; e) combination of a-d; or f) all of the above.

Had drinks at The Well (thanks CL Guy!) with new Jdate boy, who from this point forward shall be known as Midwest Guy. Three hours and two rounds later, we decided we were hungry and headed down the street to Toi for some late night Thai food.

Conversation was good. He’s a gentleman. He’s close to his family. He owns jeans. He dressed nicely. He’s cuter than his pictures. He has cable. He told me I’m fun to be with.

After dinner, he walked me to my car and we hugged goodnight. I said thank you and he said you’re welcome. No mention of a second date which I found to be a little weird, but whatever.

Three days and three new ads (his, not mine) later, I still haven’t heard from CL Guy. I do believe I made the right decision in using his toothbrush to scrub the grout in my bathroom.

However, rather than write about what a loser CL Guy is (because we already know he totally is), I shall present my list of Good Things To Come Out Of Going On Five Dates With CL Guy:

• Super clean grout that was scrubbed with a once-used toothbrush.
• Two pound weight loss [due to stressing].
• A new favorite bar.
• A romantic dinner on the beach in Malibu.
• Dinner, drinks, and dessert at Yamashiro’s.
• Met one of my New Year’s resolutions to go on five dates with the same person.
• A repaired door lock.

Note to self: Next time someone tells you a) to get your own water; b) they don’t own a television set; or c) they don’t own a pair of jeans, run!

Friday late afternoon I got a phone call from CL Guy. We chatted a bit, he said he’s super busy with work, and asked if I wanted to grab a beer that night. I said sure and he said he’d call me when he left. So, I rushed home, washed my hair, did my makeup, and found something cute to wear. He called, saying he was on his way, but was exhausted so it would probably just be one drink then he’d go home. No problem here. But knowing he was so beat–I could hear it in his voice–I asked if he’d rather reshedule. Nah, he said. Just a drink. Ten minutes later, he called and said he was just too tired, needed to stay home, and would call me next week.

Now, I admit I was a little pissed and slightly rude to him on the phone when he cancelled. I knew he was tired but I even gave him an out by asking if he wanted to do it another day. Plus, he initiated the whole thing. On the other hand, I also know he had to be on set at 5:00 a.m. and has been working like a madman this whole week, so I felt badly for being bitchy on the phone. I left him a voicemail apologizing.

We spoke this morning and he apologized for making plans and cancelling and I again said I was sorry for being bitchy. It’s all good.

In the meantime, I’m supposed to chat with two potential Jdates this weekend. Hopefully at least one will turn into a date. A normal date.

Once a month, three of my married girlfriends ditch their husbands to spend a few hours over dinner dishing on girl stuff with me. More often than not, the subject of my dating life comes up, and last night was no exception. I filled them all in on my five dates with CL Guy, his deficiency in fetching water, and also the lack of a return phone call (still!). [ed. note: Apparently, The Bus doesn't discriminate based on age. And with age, does not necessarily come maturity. Yes, I am well aware that blaming The Bus may be premature. Call it instinct.]

Knowing two of my friends are attorneys, I figure at least one of them knows a nice Jewish boy to set me up with. And, I was right! She tells me he’s super sweet, a good guy, but she’s not sure if he’s single. I ask for more details. Turns out he’s a defense attorney and his name is Xxxxx. (Xxxxx being a very typical name for a Jewish guy.) Funny, I say, I’ve dated three guys named Xxxxx, one of whom is an attorney. I ask his last name and am told another very typical Jewish last name, which happens to be the same as the attorney I dated. Hmm. More details please. Well, she says, the only negative is that he lives in Orange County.

Yes, you guessed it. I was potentially set up with the Orange County attorney I dated years ago and had lunch with on Wednesday. My friend is convinced it means something and that I should date him again. I’m convinced it just means there’s a lack of Jewish men who don’t live with their parents.

And, to make my week even weirder, I randomly bumped into Separated Guy in an elevator in the Valley the other day.

Finally, it appears I am not alone in my confusion of late.

Received a compliment on my straight hair. Had a quick drink, went to an improv show, then had a late dinner. Went back to my apartment and chatted some more. Learned, among other things, that he isn’t sure if he ever wants kids; maybe in five years. Went to sleep. Woke up around 9:30. Laughed really hard as we made up a new word that we both found incredibly amusing. Gave him a toothbrush. Went to breakfast, sans makeup and a hair brushing, at the one place in the area without an hour long wait. Came back to my place and saw the blimp airship I helped paint outside my window and on the television at the same time–a very LA thing. Played around on the Internet, learned about CL Guy’s real estate investment strategies, introduced him to fun websites, and asked him to help me fix some stuff in my apartment. Watched a red carpet preview show, then he left to go home.

I don’t know if I should go out with him again. I like him. I have a lot of fun when I’m with him, but the whole not being sure about wanting kids thing bothers me; I know I want to be a mom one day. And I don’t want to get more attached to someone who doesn’t see that in their future.

I’m a lousy dater.

By the second date with a guy I’m interested in, I’ve usually picked out baby names. By the third date, I’ve figured out if I need to hyphenate my last name or take his, and by the fourth date, I’m curiously wondering how many other women he’s currently dating.

I’ve never really had “fun” dating. To me, dating is stressful. The wondering if he’ll call. The wondering if I should call him. The knowledge that if a guy is truly interested in me, he will call; even if he’s on his death bed. The number of days between phone calls. The weekday versus weekend date plans. The dissection of every conversation; and every kiss.

I have a tendency to obsess. And stress. And analyze. And replay. And make myself absolutely crazy in the process.

But…

I don’t find myself obsessing, stressing, analyzing, and replaying with CL Guy like I normally do. Don’t get me wrong, I haven’t given up doing those things (like that would ever happen), but at the moment, I seem to be doing them less. And I’m not sure exactly why.

After a little analyzing (told you I wasn’t over it), I have come up with a few possible reasons for my changing behavior: a) Maybe it’s because CL Guy isn’t someone who fits that “right for me” mold; b) Maybe it’s because he actually calls and keeps plans, unlike so many before him; or c) Maybe I’m just too busy having fun spending time with him.

But whatever the reason, I can honestly say for the first time in quite a while, I am enjoying dating. And I plan to continue enjoying it, at least until he gets hit by The Bus or something.

Dinner with CL Guy at Yamashiro’s. Magnificent view of the City. Learned more about him and his family. And the mysteries of his IMDB profile–without having to ask. Back to my apartment. Talked more. Bed at 12:30. He snores. Next weekend was discussed; will chat later in the week.

And with that, I am off to the Valley to get my hair cut.

Sometimes I act like such a girl. I like him. I don’t like him. He’s boring. He’s interesting. I will go out with him again. I won’t go out with him again. He’s lame for putting up an ad. He’s not lame for putting up an ad.

I’m so lucky I have friends who love me, even when they probably want to strangle me and tell me to shut up.

In related news, CL Guy called this morning–we have plans for Friday night. Of course, I’m not sure if this a good idea. Then again, maybe I think too much.

I have decided I need to meet a single, Jewish, investor who likes my cupcakes (and me). Then, he will give me the money to open a bakery and fall madly in love with me while my hair is pulled back in a ponytail and I am covered in frosting. Or something like that.

After my last post, I know many of you are wondering why I went on second and third dates with CL Guy. You may be thinking he’s a jerk, that I have low self-esteem, and that I deserve someone better. Trust me, when he pulled the water thing, I didn’t think I’d be seeing him again either.

But when he asked me out again then called the following morning to say hello, I thought about how awkward and uncomfortable first dates are, and how I can always somehow manage to find something terribly wrong with a guy, even if he is perfect. Now, by no means was CL Guy perfect; far from it in fact. But what if Mr. Perfect isn’t perfect?

I’m reminded of this scene from Kissing Jessica Stein, and I so don’t want to be that girl that writes a guy off without giving him a chance. Maybe I took a chance on CL Guy. Maybe I’m too forgiving. Or maybe I just did something stupid.

– - -Her Mom: You okay?

Jessica: Uh, I don’t know. No.

Her Mom: What is it, Jess?

Jessica: It’s just sometimes I think I’m gonna be alone forever…

(Read on …)

Things I didn’t share with you about CL Guy (because I wanted to ignore them):

• Water. On our first date, after enjoying two martinis (and no food), I asked CL Guy to please get me a glass of water, as I feeling a little dizzy. He asked if I was okay. I told him yes. He then told me I could get my own glass of water. Thinking he was joking, I asked again, and he responded with, “If you’re feeling okay, why can’t you get your own water?” I further explained that while I wasn’t going to hurl all over him, I was a little lightheaded and would appreciate him walking the five feet to the bar to get me a glass of water.

  After asking and getting denied a third time, I said, “You’re a rude asshole. Please leave and I will sit here until I am no longer buzzed then drive myself home.” He then walked the five looong feet to the bar and brought me a glass of water. He also refilled my glass when he saw how parched I was, and finally apologized for being an ass.

[ed. notes: 1. Maybe I'm too forgiving, or nice, or whatever, but I blamed his not-so-nice behavior on the alcohol, which really I know, shouldn't excuse it; 2. On our second date, I said, "I'm thirsty," and had a glass of water in front of me five seconds later.]

• Jeans. He doesn’t own a pair of jeans. Not one. He claims he can’t find a pair that fit him properly, so he wears Dickies instead. [ed. note: He obviously hasn't been to Lucky, because those people can fit everyone.]
• School. He claims he has a BA degree but I can’t get a straight answer from him as to where he finished school. When I asked him where he went, he told me [a specific school up north]. Then he said he was only there for two years, and finished down here. When I asked where, he just said, “in LA” and quickly changed the subject.
• Google. Yep, I Googled him. And I IMDBd him. And found quite the impressive list of credits. Which he won’t acknowlege. He had some major writing and directing credits on IMDB, but when we talked about writing, he said he’s never written anything and has no interest in it. And yes, I’m 100% sure it’s his IMDB listing.

Some of these are a little odd, no?

And in related news, he did call last night–while I was at dinner with the girls. I called him back later that night and left a voicemail. Haven’t heard back yet, which is probably a good thing, because right now I’m a little torn on if I want to go out with him again (given he even asks, of course).

When I was kid, every year on Valentine’s Day my dad would give me and my sister balloons, heart candies, and a Snoopy card. When I was in college, The Ex and I celebrated our anniversary on Valentine’s Day so I was treated to nice dinners and roses. Post college, Valentine gifts meant well wishes and funny cards from friends also sans partners. While dating the Russian, I received flowers and chocolate as well as a hint to join a gym. A few years ago the guys I work with bought each of the women in our corner flowers and candy; it was so unexpected and beautiful. This year I received thoughtful cards and gifts from new, amazing friends, who see no harm in feeding my chocolate addiction.

So even when I don’t have an actual valentine, I still have lots of love. Unfortunately, I just didn’t feel right about kissing my dates this year.

CL Guy called this morning and asked me out for Tuesday night. I told him I have a friend coming into town, he asked for how long, and remembering I leave for SD Friday night, asked if I wanted to do something tonight. I said yes. Save your comments about last minute dates please.

He came over, had a cupcake (okay two), and we chatted for quite a while. I learned more about his hobbies (especially photography) and about his knowlege of older films (mostly stuff I watched in film classes in college). So yes, the more I get to know him, the more interested I am. Which of course means, as soon as I really like him, he will surely get hit by The Bus.

Also: I’m not sure how detailed any future posts about CL Guy will be. Some of the comments have been simply mean, and I’m beginning to think that maybe personal stuff like this just isn’t meant to be shared.

Girls’ Night–Friday
Friday night I rushed home from work, fixed my makeup, and headed over to meet Eve at Annabel Lee’s apartment. The three of us went to Friday Night Live, where I learned a) whomever leads Ma’ariv services wears a talit and b) always pull your chair down with your dominant hand. While there, we also saw half of the LA men on Jdate. But anyway, after services we went back to AL’s place and enjoyed wine, a home cooked meal (have I mentioned AL is an awesome cook?!), and a delicious dessert as well. Close to midnight I began to fade (as I had only gotten four hours of sleep the night before) so I headed home and left the girls to do the dishes. I know, I’m a horrible guest.

What Will I Wear–Saturday Afternoon
Saturday morning I woke up around 11:00 when my cell phone rang. It was CL Guy calling to confirm our plans for that night, and suggested Yamashiro’s (!) for dinner. I went straight to the mall, because of course, I have nothing Yamashiro’s-worthy. After trying on half of the Beverly Center and ready to admit defeat, my phone rang again. Change of plans, scratch Yamashiro’s, now we’re going to Moonshadows on the beach in Malibu. Yay! Much easier to choose what to wear. I ended up heading back home, emptying my closet onto my bed, and ended up with dark jeans, black strappy sandals, and a cute top.

The Date–Saturday Night
I quickly cleaned up my apartment, hopped in the shower, and was picked up by CL Guy at 7:00. Our reservation was for much much later in the evening, so we had a drink at the Argyle, or whatever it’s called now, then drove out to Malibu. We got to the restaurant a little early and had a drink on the patio literally right above the beach. It was a beautiful night and we saw the waves crashing onto the rocks and the seagulls glowing from the full moon. We had a lovely dinner, decided not to get dessert because we were both stuffed from the appetizer (calamari) and our entrees (I got the tiger prawns–yum; he got a huge caesar salad with lobster and crab). We got back to my apartment, hung out chatting and stuff again, and I finally got to sleep around 2:30-ish.

Now, here’s the thing. He’s nice. He’s kind. He opens doors. He tells me I’m beautiful. He does all that good stuff. But…actually, there are two buts (you knew there was going to be at least one, right?). First, he won’t go to synagogue. Ever. Not even for the high holidays. He doesn’t see the point in going if he doesn’t get something [spiritual] out of it. And raising kids Jewish isn’t a priority to him. Second, I can’t figure out what makes him tick and I don’t think we have anything in common. He hasn’t owned a television for 15 years so he’s really lacking in pop culture knowlege, not to mention the wonders of TiVo. He works in the film industry but doesn’t really go to movies. He’s not into comedy, theater, or anything that like. We end up talking about a lot of surface stuff. And when I ask him what he does for fun, I don’t really get much of an answer.

So that’s my conundrum.

Work, Sleep, Clean, TiVo, and Cupcakes–Sunday
Once I get enough caffeine into my system, I’m going to help a client with a project, clean my apartment (I have a houseguest arriving on Tuesday), take a nap, watch some TiVo’d stuff, then bake my red velvets for Valentine’s Day (for my coworkers and my two valentines). Cupcake pictures to follow.

Ready for this one? Here we go:

• He calls (not emails, not text messages) at 8:10 the following morning to say he had a nice time last night and will call you tomorrow. [ed. note: I know!]
• He stands up to hug you when you find him in the bar.
• He has a job he loves, a house he owns, and a good relationship with his family.
• He pays the tab, unlike the other CL guy.
• When you walk outside and say you’re cold, he wraps his arms around you and gives you a kiss.
• The kiss is good.
• He tells you you’re sexy.
• It’s 1:30 a.m. and you’ve just said goodbye.
• You have a date planned for Saturday night.
• You went to sleep with a smile.

Yeah, I’m looking forward to tomorrow night.

Every now and then, usually after I’ve had a bad date or am just feeling sorry for myself, I play the age game in my head. It goes something like this:

I’m 31-years-old. If I were to meet someone now, I’d be married probably by 32 or 33. I’d hopefully get pregnant right away, and I’d have my first kid by 33 or 34.

Anyone else do this or am I alone in driving myself nuts?

When did men and dating get so complicated?

When I was in college dating was so simple. The Ex and I met in class, went out a few times, hung out at my apartment or the fraternity house, and we were dating. I never wondered if he’d call. I never questioned if we were exclusive.

After The Ex, I dated The Russian. It was easy with him too. We went out a few times, got along well, and he called me regularly. On our fifth date his cell phone rang and his friend asked who he was out with. His response? “My lady.” Right then and there I knew where I stood, and it was nice. He ended up being a schmuck, but that’s beside the point.

Then things began to get difficult. I went on an amazing date with someone I thought to be very special and came home and announced to everyone I met the man I was going to marry. Little did I know that a few months later I would come to find his wedding registry on the Internet.

Following that fiasco, I didn’t trust men for quite a while. Just as I was feeling better about things, I met the attorney. We went out a bunch of times, began to get close, then his ex-girlfriend showed up wanting to give their relationship another go. They of course tried and failed.

Since then? It’s gotten worse, and not just for me. I have one friend who is divorced after only a year of marriage because she found her husband cheating on her. I have a married former coworker with multiple girlfriends. I have a former friend who has proudly slept with a handful of married men. And I know of two married men, both with children, who are more than willing to cheat on their wives.

Who said men mature as they age?

Another gem:

Subject: SEEKING SWEET,CARING/FUN TO SHARE FUTURE WITH
Message: Hello: My name : WILLIAM
After looking into your profile on site,I see interesting things I like about you, Iam interested in Meeting and Getting Acquainted with you.
PLEASE CLARIFY RELOCATION?
HAVE A GOOD ONE
BYE

Clarify relocation? Huh?

Top 10 reasons tonight’s date sucked:

1. At 4:00 you receive an email that says, I’m warning you ahead of time…. why, I don’t know (setting the expectations low???)…. but I’m going to be stuck at the office till 7, so I’ll be more dishevelled and irritated than I would care to be come 8. Oh well. Better to make an honest first impression, I guess…
2. You meet him at the bar and he looks nothing like his pictures–the one from two years ago or the one from two months ago.
3. You order a vodka tonic from the cute bartender who asks what kind of vodka you want. You respond with “Belvedere please.” Your date responds with “you like the expensive stuff, huh?”
4. The cute bartender rolls his eyes and says “that’s eight dollars,” and your date doesn’t even offer to pay.
5. The plan to have your coworker call you with an emergency so you can bail early fails because you can’t hear your damn phone ring.
6. Your date goes on and on for about 30 minutes about how much he hates his job.
7. You learn your date seriously thinks his script will be optioned by a major studio in the next few weeks.
8. You hear in detail about the month long illness that kept your date away from the office and landed him in the hospital due to an infected lymph node two years ago.
9. Your date says it would be cool to smoke pot with his parents.
10. You learn all about your date’s collection of $1 laserdiscs from Amoeba.

Another waste of a good hair day. I’m so tired of this. And not in a happy mood.

Another stupid email:

Hello the pretty one,
This is Mr.iddie from Ohio but studying in a different country, and am 27 years of age looking for my dear one to share my ideas, and leisurely hours with. I like Going out with friends, like swimming, reading, and am a deligent guy who is looking the same.I will really Love to meet you coz the moment i was your profile,it makes me feel like you are the real person i am looking for The Mile:

People come into our lives and walk with us a mile, and then because of circumstance they only stay a while. They serve a need within the days that move so quickly by, and then are gone beyond our reach, we often wonder why. God only knows the reason that we meet and share a smile, why people come into our lives and walk with us a mile. So i will be looking forward to your responds.
with love hassan

Blatant spam, no?

Jdate: Remember my date with Separated Guy? He and I had a great time going for drinks then to Amoeba then chatting in my apartment and ended the night with a hug. Then the following day gave me the friend vibe speech. Oh yeah, him. Well…he IMd me on Jdate tonight to tell me he liked my new pictures as well as the Guster CD I burned for him and he was confused about how he felt at the end of the date and he is in fact still interested. Four months later.

Potential Setup: As you may remember, when I was back in Michigan in November my uncle passed away. Well, while at shiva a distant cousin [ed. note: Mom, who is she exactly?] apparently thought I was cute and smart and oh of course noticed my sparkling personality and…okay, I’ll stop now. Anyway, she recently contacted my mom to find out if I was single because she has a friend (can you see where this is going yet?) who has a son who is in his early thirties, is Jewish, and lives in LA. Uh huh. I told my mom she is allowed to give out my email address and that is it, as I don’t want a repeat of the guy who called my home phone, work phone, and cell phone all within two minutes of my mom giving him all those numbers. My parents now have strict rules about giving out my digits.

Keep in mind there is a very good chance Nice Jewish Boy is either a) in fact not single; or b) has 12 toes. As usual, I’ll keep you posted.

And in keeping with the dating theme, here are some recent dating related searches that landed people here:

• internet dating sucks
• I hate jdate
• jew dating a non jew
• did i see you on jdate t shirt
• nude jdate profile
• dating he is separated
• bad jdate
• dating hell
• jdate guy sent me his nude pic
• aa dating
• dating horror stories
• rude message jdate
• lobster soulmate
• fuck jdate

Happy dating.

It’s only Tuesday but it’s been a busy yet potential-less week in Jdate-land. As always, pasted verbatim:

Bachelor #1, IM
You look hot. I like your enchantingsmile. would you care for a conversation

Bachelor #2, Email (following a “click”)
Merry christmass …. Is that bad on a jewish web site? Clicked? may I should click that little red heart on the j-date soft ware….go god what will they think of next…matching photo bucket Icon?

Bachelor #3, IM
HI CAN YOU CHAT

Bachelor #3, Email
Subject: IM CONFUSED
Message: HOW COME ALL THE WOMEN ON HERE ALWAYS LOOK AT A PROFILE AND NEVER SAY HI?

Bachelor #4, Email
Subject: Interesting…
Message: …There seems to be an “upsurge” in activity on Jdate…is this because I posted new pictures…(which are not viewable as of right now…near as I can tell)…or because night three of Channukah is easier? Perhaps we’ll never know.
So…I figured it was time to send out an email or two…ok…just one.
As you can probably tell…I am not necessarily very good at this whole writing someone that I have never met before thing…so please bear with me.

Bachelor #5, Email
Subject: hi
Message: hi

Bachelor #6, Email
Subject: I am
Message: so bad at this…coffee sometime?

In addition to the above emails and IMs, I also received four “flirts” from men old enough to be my father. Yuck.

From a 24-year-old woman seeking an um, woman:

I really enjoyed your profile. Please don’t be spooked that I “hotlisted” you; there’s no other way to express an interest in someone without doing that.

If you’d like to chat, great.

Peace. -
xxxxxx

As much as I joke about how dating a woman would be easier than dating a man, I’m just not there yet. Sorry.

[ed. note: This Jdate email has been made possible by the generosity of my parents. Please thank them for allowing me to continue to not meet nice Jewish boys, and entertain you in the process.]

On a somewhat related note, did anyone else watch So Jewtastic on VH1 tonight? What did you think?

With all the money I’ve spent on Jdate memberships this year, I could have paid for:

• An iPod. Or two.
• Lots of shoes.
• A really nice leather jacket.
• A few hundred iTunes downloads.
• A super duper KitchenAid mixer.
• Teeth whitening.
• Fifteen personal training sessions and cute workout clothes.
• Highlights and a haircut. A couple of times.
• Ten trips to Color Me Mine with my Little.
• A Blackberry and quite possibly a Bluetooth too.
• Tickets, including evil Ticketmaster fees, to about five concerts.
• A plane ticket to Vegas and have money left to gamble.
• Ten oil changes.
• A new digital camera.

But then, I’d have an empty blog. You guys owe me. Big time.

$34.95 of pure laughter:

Subject: OMG

your hair looks sooo soft and silky i wish i could just run my hands through them, you smile is soo warm and captivating i cant help but smile too, your skin looks sooo soft and smooth i bet victoria’s secrete will kill to know your secret, your lips are sooo tempting that the kiss of life ought to come from your lips and damn baby, your parents must be good thieves because they stole all the stars out of the night sky and put them in your eyes. the word beauty describes you and i feel the need to know more about you. i would love to have a chance to cultivate your society, to try and win your love for i have seen something in your eyes i havent seen in any other eyes. i am not usually. you are the kind of woman i would love to grow old with. loving you would be exciting and enjoyable and i really want to know you.

Soooo worth every penny.

This was an actual conversation:

Coworker: How was your date?
Me: It was fun…he was nice, just not for me.
Coworker: What’d you guys do?
Me: We went for Indian food.

Coworker: You go for Indian a lot on your dates. Remember the Jdate guy who was on Blind Date who you dropped off at his AA meeting?
Me: Who?
Coworker: The guy who was on Blind Date and he had a backpack.
Me: Wait, you’re confused. The guy I went for Indian food with I didn’t meet on Jdate–he wasn’t Jewish, remember? I met him at the comedy event at the Chinese restaurant on Christmas Eve and he was the only non-Jewish comic there. And, I dropped him off at the bus stop, not a meeting. And, it wasn’t AA, it was NA. The AA guy was the guy who was on Blind Date.

Coworker #2: Oh yeah. Now I remember. And he’s the one with the car door that wouldn’t open.
Me: No, the AA guy took the bus. The car door guy was the comic who sometimes shared a bed with his female roommate. And his door was busted so he told me I’d have to go in Dukes of Hazzard style.
Coworker: Then who’s the really tall guy?
Me: There are no really tall Jewish guys.
Coworker: Yes. The married one with the kid who brought you the t-shirt.
Me: No, wait, you’re confusing two people. There were two separated guys, and they both had the same name. But only one had a kid.

Coworker: Why didn’t you meet him?
Me: I did, he was the–
Coworker #2: –He was the who asked for marinara sauce at the Mexican restaurant. I remember. He was the tall one but he had issues.
Me: No, marinara sauce guy is not tall guy. The tall one was the one with the kid. And he had issues so we stopped talking then we met and he apparently liked me enough to have dinner and drinks and check out a record store, but not enough for a second date.

Coworker: And the other guy was the one who gave you the t-shirt.
Me: Yep.
Coworker #2: I thought he was married.
Me: No, he was separated. The married guy was the one whose wedding registry I found on the Internet.
Coworker: Hey, remember Margarita guy?
Me: Okay, you guys suck. Shut up and let me date in peace.

And next time any of you married people think you miss dating, please refer back to this post.

Friday
Went to Nine West at LA’s biggest tourist trap Hollywood and Highland to get a price adjustment on these boots that went on sale the week after I bought them. They are really cute and oh-so-comfortable! And they’re not at all shiny and ugly like they look in the picture, they’re just regular leather. I’m not sure what the deal is with that. Also while at H&H, I picked up a BBQ chicken chop salad from CPK. Not that you care. Then I came home and started to catch up on my TiVo but got interrupted by the phone every two minutes. Oh well, at least I tried.

Saturday
Headed out to the Valley for a day of pampering. I got my eyebrows, toes, and nails done, and my nails are finally long enough (thanks to the iron supplements perhaps?) to put color (I’m Not Really a Waitress by OPI of course) on them without looking stupid. I was also feeling brave and cut a couple more inches off my hair and went a little darker. That makes a grand total of seven inches chopped in the past couple months! I’m still shocked.

Saturday night was my date with the guy I met at the Sukkot dinner. I’m sorry there are no juicy details to share, so this is what I have: He’s nice. An almost three hour long dinner at a delicious Indian restaurant was lovely. Conversation flowed well. As did the wine. In fact, the waiter kept refilling my glass and pointing at my date and smiling. I had well over three glasses and was feeling quite, um, dizzy. Anyway, he’s a great guy (I know, kiss of death), just not for me. The spark or chemistry or whatever you want to call it wasn’t there, and I feel like his level of observance (he is shomer shabbas) is just too much for me.

Sunday
I finally got to sleep in then along with the rest of Hollywood, hit Target where I bumped into a pregnant family friend and discussed maternity clothing (don’t ask me why I know so much about them, I guess having friends with kids teaches you that stuff?) then stocked up on on the essentials, like Teddy Grahams and eye makeup remover.

That night I brought Annabel Lee with me to a Big Brothers Big Sisters shindig for all the Bigs and prospective Bigs (read: all adults. no kids. lotsa alcohol.) at The Belmont. I went to the event thinking that for once, the odds were in my favor–there are only a couple dozen Big Sisters and more than 100 Big Brothers. Well, there were a bunch of guys, just no one that really caught my eye. But–two hours after warning Annabel Lee about getting recognized from Jdate, a fellow Big told her she looked familiar. Yep, you guessed it, from Jdate. It was a fun night, and it was nice to catch up with some Bigs I don’t get to see very often.

Now I’m home and going to try catch up on emails and TiVo. I feel like I need a vacation following my vacation.

I’m beginning to think the Nigerian money scam has taken over Jdate:

Hello,
Am Larry Terry from New York……..I live in Rochester and was brought up in new york before i moved to rochester…….I like reading,travilling,making new friend’s,playing basket ball,am so honest,am sensitive,i like listening to music,i like dancing,playing video game,listening to joke’s,romantic,personate,lov ing and kindness,i like kids. I do travill to west africa to visit my father cos he’s from Nigeria and my Mom is from New York so we do travil on vacation period to visit my father in west africa,if u want to contact me u can get me through this yahoo id….larry_terryxxx@yahoo.co m.
Regard’s
Larry Terry

What’s up with these?

From a guy (whose profile says he is 20-years-old, 6′2″, and 98 pounds) in Cote D’Ivoire:

Hello !

I am sorry we are just loving to each other, and you should give me attention as your lover.

I need to call you and discuss with you as hearing your sweet voice will be wonderful.

I am 26yrs old and beautiful.

pls, let me talk with you on phone, also send me your private e-mail address for our private communication to konw if you can be able to help me out over here .

pls get back with this My e-mail address is,jean_xxxxx@yahoo.fr

Have a nice day Love

Mr Jean xxxxx

Um.

Email #1 to Jdate

Hi.
Is there a way to search new members? The current New Members search seems to display profiles that were recently updated, but not specifically new to the site.

Thanks!

Response #1 from Jdate:

Dear Member,

In order to see recent updates, you sometimes have to clear the “cache” of your browser first.

Here’s how to clear the cache in Netscape Navigator/Communicator and Microsoft Internet Explorer.

NETSCAPE NAVIGATOR/COMMUNICATOR

Run the browser. Select Edit from the menu bar and then Preferences from the window. This will open a navigator window with a directory on the left side. The cursor should be positioned at Navigator. Click on Clear History and then Yes to clear history.

Next, position the cursor on Advanced and click on the + sign to open the directory. Position the cursor on Cache and click Clear Memory Cache and then Yes to clear the memory. Next, click on Clear Disk Cache and then Yes to clear the cache.

MICROSOFT INTERNET EXPLORER

Click on Start and select Settings and then Control Panel. Next Double click on the Internet icon and find Temporary Internet Files. Click on Delete and then Yes to delete the temporary files. Last, click on Clear History Folder and then Yes to clear history.

Okay, thanks for an answer that had absolutely nothing to do with my question. Let’s try this again.

Email #2 to Jdate

Hi there. Thank you for the response, but it did not address my question. Let me rephrase it.

Before the site redesign, you could search most active members and new members.

When you searched most active members, it displayed members most recently logged in.

When you searched new members, it displayed members who most recently registered on the site. However, now when you search new members, it displays members who have most recently updated their profile–these are not new profiles, they are updated profiles.

My question is–will this be changed to in fact reflect new members?

Hilary

Response #2 from Jdate

Dear Member,

To find the profile of a specific member, go to LOOK UP MEMBER in the SEARCH drop-down menu at the top of the screen, enter the person’s member number or username, and click GO.

If you have any further questions, please feel free to call our 24-hour toll-free Customer Care number at any time: 1-877-453-3861.

This message is an automated response. If your question wasn’t answered in this email, give us a call and we’ll take care of you personally.

JDate Customer Care

Aaaarrrgggghhh!

His email is pasted verbatim. (I added the bold to make it easier to read.) My comments are in italics.

Subject: Hi there

Hi There. Hi Again. Are We Capping Every Word Now?

I like your picture and profile. Really? Because my essays aren’t visible at the moment as they’re waiting to be approved. And I have pictures…plural.

I’m looking for a long term relationship. Yes, I gathered that from your profile.

I am 5′11″ and 220 lbs. Then why does your profile say 6′0″ and average build?

I live by myself in a big house that I own in Sherman Oaks,Iown my car(Lexus).and I have a great job and I do very well. A big house in Sherman Oaks and a Lexus? Like, ohmygod, let’s get married.

I love to sleep in and relax during the weekends. Right. Read that in your profile.

I consider myself to be passionate,honest,kind, positive,and funny. Also in your profile.

What do you for fun in the weekend? Does it matter?

I am looking forward to talk to you soon. If receiving a “thanks, but I don’t think we’re a good match” email counts as talking to me soon.

Xxxxxx

Sigh.

This one sort of speaks for itself:

Hi, my name is XXXXXXX
Be not surprised to this letter, I have decided to write to you because has felt, that you, probably, which unique the woman I search for that also which approach me.
In this letter I want to tell to you slightly about myself:
To me of 33 years, I the young, attractive, cheerful man with a hansom figure.
I live new york city of Bronx, But i come from West Africa Ghana Accra
I work as the Accountant in mining company, I like my work.
At leisure I am engaged in sports , I go to campaigns, sometimes in theatre or simply I walk, like to listen to music and to read books.
I search kind, loving(liking), reliable for the woman. It(she) should be the clever, interesting interlocutor, with sense of humour love children. The age, color of hair, a figure not so are important for me, the most important is his(its) character and the serious attitude(relation) to a marriage(spoilage).
I hope, that you were interested with my letter and can see your answer.
Mine E-mail address is, xxxxxxxx@yahoo.com
I wait with impatience, XXX

Guess who’s getting the generic decline.

Dating: I have three potential good blog posts dates coming up:

Date #1–A possible blind date set up by none other than Sick Candy’s own Meg.
Details: He’s a Valley boy and get this–a comic.

Date #2–A Jdate.
Details: He’s a former attorney and now works in media.

Date #3–Said two words to him at my friend’s party on Saturday night. He apparently called her to say I caught his eye.
Details: He’s the one that got my friend going to AA meetings in the first place. And um, yeah, he’s a comic. He’s not Jewish, so I don’t think I’ll go out with him, but it was flattering nonetheless.

Baking: In case anyone thinks I didn’t bake enough last weekend, I get to do it all over again for Yom Kippur. I may be tired, but I’ll have a good sugar high going when it comes time to break the fast. And in case you were curious–the favorites seemed to be the black and whites. I’m going to double the recipe this time.

And in other baking news, I’m going to try a new recipe for buttercream frosting. This one claims to look and taste like the bakery kind. And I loooooove bakery buttercream frosting.

Movies: I can’t wait to see In Her Shoes.

Friendster: What gives? Now people can see I viewed them? Hello? Ever hear of Friendster-ing exes?

Flickr Pro Account: Worth the money or waste of money? Anyone have one?

Site of the Week: girlspoke

It’s been a while, and this one isn’t majorly exciting, but it’s another good example of a terrible email:

wow, i was so impressed by your profile. its so nice to read a womans profile that has some substance. not your boring looking for mr right.

(his name)
coffee?

Lovely exhibit, eh?

And speaking of Jdate, what’s up with the stupid question on the main page: Who would you most like to sit next to on a plane? Someone please explain to me how this question is relevent to my dating life. Or anyone’s dating life for that matter.

Well look no further.

Email #1
29, OC
Tease: I’d like to start-up a conversation, can I write you sometime?

Email #2
28, the Valley
Tease: I’m intrigued, feel free to email me. [ed. note: This is the fifth tease from the same guy.]

Email #3
33, Hawthorne, not Jewish
Tease: A position just opened up in the sweetheart department – please send resume.

Email #4
33, Hawthorne, still not Jewish (yeah, same guy as #3)
Email subject line: Grandma looked out the window when Grandpa passed. [ed. note: Huh? And if you think that's odd, you wouldn't believe the body of the email.]

Email #5
27, Los Angeles
Tease sent: I’d like to start-up a conversation, can I write you sometime?

Email #6
32, Los Angeles
Missed IM message: Hi

Email #7
27, the Valley
Missed IM message: ?

Email #8
34, Los Angeles
Email: do you have an alternate place to IM ?? yahoo ? aol ?? jdate IM sucks !

And that my friends, concludes the lesson on how to quickly waste $34.95. I’m such a sucker.

As you may remember, a few months ago I was supposed to meet Separated Guy #1, but he flaked out the night before our date and sent me a stupid ass email. Well, we got back in touch a couple of weeks ago when I emailed him to wish him a happy birthday (he shares the same birthday as my friend so I remembered it), and an email exchange ensued.

So may I present, You Know It’s A Jdate That Didn’t Suck When:

1. You learn he a) has a car and b) doesn’t live with his parents.
2. He insists on driving out from the Valley, and likes your suggestion of (say it with me now) The Cat & Fiddle.
3. You show up wearing the same exact color jacket as him. Yours is from the Gap, his from Banana.
4. He looks like his picture. Exactly.
5. He remembers everything you talked about a few months ago.
6. He apologizes for being lame a few months ago, and tells you you were right. Ah ha!
7. He doesn’t laugh at you when you stand up from the table and realize your leg is asleep and walk like a moron to the restroom.
8. After dinner and drinks, you decide to stop at Amoeba and peruse CDs. You each buy one.
9. He’s funny, makes you laugh, and has good taste in music.
10. You invite him up to your apartment and he checks out your balcony and photos and baseball stuff then you sit and talk for a bit. Then you both realize it’s late and he has to drive back to the Valley so he gives you a hug goodnight.

I’m not sure if there will be a second date, although I am hoping for one. Think good thoughts and stay tuned…

(Coming soon…)

Sorry to leave you all hanging, but I’m tired and have to be up for work in six hours. Details hopefully tomorrow.

Just got home from my date with Jdate Guy Who Actually Made Plans In Advance. Fun venue (Largo). Jimmy Kimmel made an appearance. Some comics were okay. Some comics sucked. No comics I’ve previously dated. Oh yeah, my date. Well, he was uhh, nice. Shorter than his profile said. Less hair than his picture. No interest on my part (and not because of his height or hair). It’s just not in the cards for us. [ed. note: Okay mom?]

But at least I don’t have a Top Ten list this time. Sigh. Is this ever going to end?

And in related to dating news, soon-to-be-an-Angelino-David highly recommends Three Kinds of Asking for It: Erotic Novellas. I’m sure in some way, this book relates to dating and what do you know–it happens to be on my Amazon Wishlist. Did I mention I’m turning 31 on Sunday? [ed. note: Shameless birthday gift plug, I know.]

Once again, my Jdate subscription has come to an end, so now I’ll have only IMs to share.

Him: How is your day?
Me: Good, thanks.
Him: That’s good.

30 seconds later

Him: How is your day?
Me: Good, thanks. Haven’t we already been through this?
Him: (sic) Your right. Sorry about that. So what’s going on?

Ugh.

Him:

Hi! How are you? If you’d like to chat sometime feel free to email me at xxxx@aol.com or AIM xxxx. My jdate membership should cancel any second now. Hope to hear from you soon.

Take care,
xxxx:)

Me (I sent the generic decline in response to his generic email):

[Hilary] has declined to respond to your email sent 6/29/2005 7:16:41 PM

Him:

why decline?…you’re fat!…lol

That my friends, is a perfect example of a Jdate email exchange.

Here it is, strange formatting and all:

hi,,u look so my type ,YUMMY,,im in your state ALOT, if u want to live like a PRINCESS ,im here 4 YOU

Uhh, no thanks.

Having either psycho or killer in your Jdate screen name = not good.

Having psychokiller in your Jdate screen name = even worse.

Having pyschokiller in your Jdate screen name + a picture of you holding a baby = kinda scary.

(Yes, this was in a real profile.)

I think someone’s in my brain tonight, as I couldn’t have said this better myself. I’m with ya Ari.

Last night, less than two hours after getting home from my date, I received a very flattering email from Separated Guy saying he had a great time, thought I was very pretty, and would like to see me again although he would understand if I didn’t feel the same way. [Ed. Note: Yeah, that last part was kinda weird.] At the end of the email, there was a short post script:

P.S. I was attracted to you and wanted to give you a real kiss* good night, but wasn’t sure how you would react. Hope it isn’t too weird that I’m admitting this, but what the heck, you only live once…. :0)

Yes, I responded with a very polite I-had-a-lovely-time-but… email. I am fully aware I’m going to Hell.

*He gave me a kiss on the cheek.

In case my first and second sets weren’t enough, here’s 10 more hints (care of Separated Guy) it’s a bad date:

1. He shows up 25 minutes early. I’m sorry, that’s not allowed.
2. He looks nothing like his year-and-a-half-old picture.
3. He says, “Instead of flowers, I got you this.” This being a t-shirt with the logo of the studio he’s working on a film for.
4. He then tells you he gets a discount at the studio store.
5. He talks endlessly about his director boss and the super secret film he’s working on.
6. He doesn’t open any doors for you.
7. He orders an entree then declares it too messy to eat so he says he’ll take it home to eat later.
8. He asks what you want for dessert, then orders what he is craving.
9. You tell him you want to stop in Barnes & Noble to pick up the Avenue Q soundtrack for a friend. He asks what Avenue Q is. You explain it’s a show with puppets and it won a Tony. He still has no clue.
10. In a whiny East Coast accent, he calls you Hil all night. Hi, you don’t know me. My name is Hilary.

Three sentence recap for my mom: No, I’m not too picky. Yes, he’ll probably call. No, I won’t go out with him again.

At least I’m not alone. Check out 10 Dates.

For those of you following along at home, tonight’s Jdate with Separated Guy #2 has been rescheduled. He’s sick. We’re going out Thursday night instead.

Since I know you’re all disappointed that I have no juicy date details to share, here’s a picture of the chocolate chip cookies I made today. It’s a new recipe and I’m not too thrilled with it. The cookies look really nice, but the taste is just sorta eh.

An excerpt from an LA Times article about dating:

Remember your surroundings as you remain open to life’s possibilities. Strip clubs, prison parking lots and check-cashing stores may not be the best places to find your soul mate.

Ari, did you read that? Prison = bad!

Set-Up #2: So not gonna happen. For many reasons, including, but not limited to, his possession of a written will for his dog. Well, the will is actually for him, but it dictates who would get the dog should something happen to him.* Because we all have wills for our dogs. And oh yeah, he’s dating someone. Apparently she hasn’t found out about the will yet.

Set-Up Guy (The original): we’re still working on scheduling date number two. It’s gonna happen.

Separated Guy #2: Saturday I received a Jdate email from a guy with the same first name as Upcoming Jdate Guy and who is also separated. Strange coincidence, don’t ya think? This one is sans child. We spoke on the phone last night and set up a date for Sunday evening.

Chocolate Festival: My friend and I are planning on going to the Ghiradelli Chocolate Festival this September. She lives in Seattle so we’re going to meet up in San Francisco and are hoping to avoid renting a car. Does anyone have any recommendations on where to stay and how to get around? p.s. How far in advance should we book our room?

Hearst Castle: And in more weekend trip news, my friend and I are returning to Hearst Castle in July for the second tour. You may remember we did the first tour last year and had a great time. We’re definitely on the lookout for inexpensive hotels and restaurants in Cambria, so if you have any recommendations, please let me know.

Random: The LA Times Calendar section is free once again. Finally.

*It is because of reasons like this that my parents are not allowed to give my phone number/email address/any information to a guy they have not met. Well, because of this and because of what happened the last time they gave out my number.

Kinda still in a mood, so not much to report.

Food: Last night, Marissa and I had dinner at Luna Park. One word: yum. Total comfort food–I had the baked macaroni and cheese and broccoli. Soooo good. For dessert we shared the “Make Your Own S’more” which I know is going to make me bust out my own Smore’s Maker sometime soon. I can’t wait to go back and try some more dishes.

In related news, JAB did go to Diddy Riese where she enjoyed two white chocolate chip cookies with chocolate chip ice cream which she described as “heavenly.” And oh yeah, she said the new Star Wars movie was great.

TAR: Not surprised that the oldies lost, but Rob and Amber are still annoying me. Who do you think is gonna win?

Dating: As you know from yesterday’s post, Upcoming Jdate Guy proved to be an idiot, so I’m not meeting him tonight. I’m very disappointed, because I really did think he was a good guy and was looking forward to meeting him in person. And I admit I’m a little hurt that he doesn’t want to meet me. Nothing like being dissed by someone you’ve never even met.

In other dating news, Set-Up Guy invited me out this weekend, but my parents will be in town to celebrate Mother’s Day. I’m not sure what the schedule looks like, but maybe I’ll get a chance to see him Saturday night.

And in more dating news, I decided to leave my Jdate profile up at least until my month-long subscription is over, so that spending almost half of my tomato money on Jdate wouldn’t seem like a total waste. (Although it probably will prove to be.)

Site of the Week: PostSecret (c/o Meg).

Why my head hurts:

Hey Hilary,

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking over the past several hrs (since yesterday late afternoon actually) and I think it’s best that we not meet. There seems to have been some awkwardness w/ some of our more recent chats and I just feel that a match is not in the cards. I do apologize for the late notice, but again, I wanted to think this through before coming to this decision. It was a pleasure to meet you and I do wish you the best moving forward.

Best Regards,
Upcoming Jdate Guy

Seems he was trying to make it so I wouldn’t want to meet him. Perhaps being separated (read: not yet divorced) for only five months is making him question whether or not he’s ready to date. Or maybe he just didn’t feel my vibe. Yes, I’m disappointed and sad.

Shortly after I wrote my earlier post, I got cranky.

It started when I got super swamped at work. Then, Upcoming Jdate Guy started bugging me via IM by saying stupid things, which left me wondering if he’s trying to make me not want to meet him or something. It’s weird. I took my profile off Jdate again as I just can’t deal with Jdate people right now, they all frustrate me.

As if I wasn’t annoyed enough, while IMing with Upcoming Jdate Guy, I noticed I had a hole in my pants. In the butt. So yes, for three hours I was apparently flashing everyone my ass. Fortunately, as previously discussed, I went to the dry cleaners this morning so I had an extra pair of pants in my car to change into. And they found my coat.

Remember when I provided you with my top 10 hints it’s a bad date, back in March? Well, here’s 10 new ones for April, care of Tentative Jdate Guy:

1. You do the research and choose the restaurant, even though you’re not familiar with the area either.
2. You drive to Sherman Oaks (which is halfway between where you both live) to meet him because he doesn’t offer to drive to the City to meet you. On a Saturday night.
3. You mention that Laurel Canyon is still all messed up from the landslides and he asks what Laurel Canyon is.
4. You wish you were home in your pajamas watching Law & Order reruns.
5. You make a mental note to thank the bartender for the strong drink.
6. You arrive at the restaurant at 7:00. And leave before 8:00.
7. After being seated at the restaurant named Senor Fred, he says (and I quote) I didn’t realize until I got here that this was a Mexican restaurant.
8. You order a margarita and soup (it’s Passover). He orders a beer and a calamari appetizer. At a Mexican restaurant.
9. Then asks for marinara sauce to dip the calamari in. At a Mexican restaurant.
10. And is surprised when the server explains that no, they do not have marinara sauce. [Ed. Note: Duh?]

Yep, I’m pretty sure he’ll call. Because he’s the kind that will.

Someone please help me out of this dating hell.

A second date with Set-Up Guy is in the works. Cool, huh?

Next order of business, I spoke to the new Jdate guy (divorced w/child) on the phone for a few hours tonight. Great conversation. We’re meeting Thursday night for drinks and/or food and unlike Tentative Jdate Guy, he offered to drive out here (he’s an 818er) and said he’d look into places to go. I was hoping to offer up my fave–Cat and Fiddle–but he said he’d prefer somewhere with live music yet quiet enough to have a conversation without yelling. I’m stumped. Got any ideas? Think Hollywood-ish.

TJG: Just wanted to make sure we’re still on for Saturday.
Me: Sure are. What’s the plan?
TJG: Well, I don’t really know anything in Hollywood. Or any other part of the Valley except for where I live.
Me: Okay…
TJG: So I don’t know where to go.
Me: Well, what are we doing? [Ed. Note: Keep in mind, stupid me agreed to a Saturday night date.]
TJG: I was thinking drinks.
Me: Okay. What time?
TJG: How about around 7:00?
Me: (Drinks? At 7:00 on a Saturday?) Um, okay. Where?
TJG: Well, do you want me to come down to you? Or do you want to meet in Sherman Oaks? [Ed. Note: Sherman Oaks is about halfway between where we each live.] Or come up to where I live? I think there’s a fun place in Woodland Hills.
Me: (Annoyed) Your call. Why don’t you think about it and let me know what you decide.
TJG: Well, we should figure it out now.
Me: I just got into my friend’s neighborhood and I’m a little lost.
TJG: Okay, let’s talk Friday.
Me: Okay, bye.
TJG: Bye.

I don’t even want to go anymore, partly because I recently learned that a) he lives on his parent’s property (whatever that means) b) he doesn’t have a kitchen, so he eats at his parents’ house every night and c) he’s capable of annoying me and I haven’t even met him yet.

Do you think I should cancel or just go? And don’t say I should go just so you have a funny post to read on Sunday morning.

Tentative Jdate Guy–surprise surprise–cancelled our Wednesday date. We have now rescheduled and upgraded to a nighttime date a week from Saturday. Three strikes and he’s out. This is quite reminiscent of Broken Nose Guy. Remember him?

In other dating news, there’s rumor of a set-up care of my desperately-wanting-grandchildren-parents. Their friend wants to set me up with the son of her friends. He’s supposedly mid-thirties and an attorney. The problem? My parents’ friend has never met her friends’ son. The last time my parents tried to set me up with someone they never met, we had to generate rules for giving out my phone number. Then there was the time my coworker’s wife tried to set me up with the son of a couple they randomly met while out on a Saturday night.

And, believe it or not, there is another set-up in progress. He seems really nice and has a great outgoing message on his voicemail, but…there’s a always a but, isn’t there…although he is technically Jewish, he and I don’t agree on some major things. It’s a long story and I don’t want to get into it, so more details of this setup may or may not be shared. Hey, it’s my blog. I share what I want to share. I will tell you we’re going for coffee next week.

I’m putting my profile back up on Jdate. Perhaps I’ll use my tomato money to buy myself a subscription so I can share the funny emails with my readers.

In Passover news, if you like the original Coca-Cola (with sugar rather than corn syrup), now’s the time to pick some up. The bottles have yellow caps and are usually with the Passover foods. And, if you go to Ralphs, they’ll even bag your groceries in white and blue Happy Passover bags. Who knew?

In other Passover related stuff, check out Seda Club with 50 Cent (via Esther via Jewlicious).

And if you’re looking for another good Passover dessert, here’s a recipe for a flourless chocolate cake.

I just got home from a really stressful meeting with my Little’s mom and the case worker. It’s a long story and I don’t want to get into it here but I got really frustrated and when the mom left, I cried. So much craziness. Everyday I consider ending the match but then I think about my Little and the impact it would have on her. I just can’t disappoint her like that.

In other news, Tentative Jdate Guy emailed me saying he noticed I removed my profile from Jdate. Then he suddenly felt the need to set plans in stone. So, we are supposedly getting together a week from Wednesday. Supposedly being the key word.

This must be the most poorly written post in blogging history, but I’m tired and cranky and stressed and anxious for The Amazing Race to start. Please dear god let Rob and Amber lose tonight.

And speaking of blogging, today brought my 50,000 visitor to this here site. Everyday I’m surprised that so many of you continue to read my blatherings because lately I’ve been questioning whether it’s time to put my blog to sleep.

Remember a week or so ago I said I was corresponding with two guys from Jdate, neither of which I was terribly excited about? Well, here’s an excerpt (typos and all) from an email from (formerly) potential Jdate #1:

If you want, you can give me a call sometime, if that isnt too foward. You seem nice, at least you don’t seem like a potential stalker. I’ve met women on here that make the hair on your neck stand up–freaky.

So is telling me I don’t seem like a potential stalker supposed to be a compliment?

A few years ago, I met a man in the Bed Bath & Beyond elevator at the Beverly Center. He was tall, cute, smart, funny, and you guessed it, a comic. We chatted for a bit, he asked for my number, and I gave him my business card. He took one look at my name and asked if I was Jewish. I am, and you? I asked him quite excitedly. Nah, but I could tell your last name is Jewish. And I tend to date Jewish girls, he responded.

He called the next day. We chatted for much of the evening and made plans for dinner the following night. Something didn’t feel right and I called him to cancel a few hours before our date. I tried, best I could, to explain why I only dated Jewish guys and why I didn’t think it was a good idea for us to go out.

The problem was, I couldn’t explain it. I couldn’t verbalize what I feeling.

You see, I’m not a particularly observant Jew–I don’t keep kosher, don’t observe Shabbat, and rarely go to synagogue. Because of this, many people don’t understand why I choose to date only Jewish men.

You’re not religious, why limit yourself only to Jewish men?

I get asked that at least once a month. And I cringe everytime I hear it.

In my eyes (and others may disagree with me here), being Jewish isn’t only about one’s level of observancy. I identify with being Jewish in many other ways–I am active in the Los Angeles Jewish community, I enjoy and participate in Jewish cultural events, and tikkun olam and tzedakah both play very important roles in my life.

In case you were wondering, no, my parents have never pressured me to marry a Jewish man. Of course they would prefer it, but they’ve always told me that as long as I am happy, they will be happy.

For me, dating Jewish guys makes things, for lack of a better word, easier. I don’t have to explain why I fast on Yom Kippur, I can ask for a keppe rub without getting a puzzled look in return, and it wouldn’t be considered weird that growing up, our dogs always preferred bagels over dog treats.

Plus, I want my kids (when I have them) to grow up Jewish, the way I did. Sans Christmas tree. I want them to go to Hebrew school, have a bar/bat mitzvah, and know the importance of tikkun olam and tzedakah.

But mostly, the reason is because of a feeling. A connection. A sense of community. A familiarity. And that’s what I couldn’t express to the Elevator Guy on the phone.

From the Jdate website:

JDate recognizes that Jewish mothers are some of our greatest champions. That is why in honor of Mother’s Day we are in search of the JMom of the Year.

In 200 words or less, tell us why your son or daughter deserves a free one-year Premium Membership to JDate. Be sure to include a photo of you and your son or daughter as well as your child’s User Name or the email address that your child uses in connection with his or her JDate membership.

Hmm. Interesting. The prize?

Win dinner for three (for mom, child and his or her JDate) plus, get a free one-year JDate Premium Membership (a $99.95 value) for your son or daughter.

Don’t even think about it mom. Seriously.

The other day I received a Jdate email from a 38-year-old, 6′4″, 146 (no, that is not a typo) pound guy living in Louisiana. Now, I’m normally not one to judge (ok, that’s a lie), but…perhaps there really is a such thing as being too thin. Are you with me on this?

Circa 2000	Now*
Jewish	Likes matzo ball soup
6′ or taller	Height is overrated
Has a full head of hair	Bald is the new sexy, right?
Comes from a good family	Speaks to his family
Doesn’t live with his parents	Doesn’t live with a wife/fiancee/girlfriend
Educated	Can spell college
Has a good job	Is not an unemployed comic
Loves going to the theater	Will go to the theater, if bribed
Reads for pleasure	Is literate

*Not totally serious.

From a 42-year-old guy:

Subject: ru the girl of my life?????????????
Hi
I was surfing Jdate looking for my soul mate and….wooow here you are, my heart started beating faster……well, that’s the sign! Plus,you look gorgeous and you profile sounds very interesting.
So, What about lunch and see if we are a match?

Generic Jdate email at its best.

Top 10 hints it’s a bad date, in no particular order:

1. He shows up late. While you’re waiting for him, you receive a call from Guy You Used To Date (with the same first name as Margarita Guy and Tall Guy) and wish you were out with him, even though he a) is a workaholic, b) has ex-girlfriend issues and c) is an inch shorter than you.
2. The “really cool” bar you drive 20 minutes to go to is a) empty b) a restaurant that serves drinks, and in fact, not a bar.
3. Said “cool” bar suggested by him is in the Valley, even though you’re both 323ers. [ed. note: Who goes to the Valley for a drink when they live in the City?]
4. He admits to smoking regularly and “not being ready to quit,” even though according to his Jdate profile, he is “trying to quit.”
5. You tell him you don’t date smokers and he still tries to get a second date.
6. He brags about being an actor. However, his IMDB listing is quite unimpressive.
7. You order grilled cheese and french fries because it’s a) greasy b) good feel-sorry-for-yourself food and c) can be consumed quickly.
8. You forgo any alcohol, even though you’re not paying the bill. This was done purely to get out of the restaurant ASAP.
9. During dinner, you’re wondering what happened on The Surreal Life tonight.
10. You seriously reconsider dating unemployed comics again. They weren’t so bad, were they?

I think I deserve some sort of award for The Girl Who Has Gone On The Greatest Number of Bad Jdates. And that award should be a sane man!

Well, I have some Jdate action going on. No, not that kind of action. Email action. Exciting, I know.

First, there is Tall Guy. He is 6′6″ and a few years younger than me but seems really sweet. He’s an actor with a day job. (I know, I know. But at least he’s not a comic.) And he has the same first name as Guy I Used To Date and Margarita Guy. Oy.

Next, we have SD Guy. He very recently relocated to San Diego from the east coast and owns his own company. And oh yeah, he’s a wanna-be screenwriter. (Once again, at least he’s not a comic. Right?)

And lastly, did I mention I got an IM from a 67-year-old man? Gross!

I’ll keep you informed should any of these potential emails progress to an actual date consisting of cocktails and conversation. In the meantime, think good thoughts.

Last night I was flipping through the new issue of Marie Claire magazine (page 117) and much to my surprise, came across an article mentioning both Jdate and Friday Night Live (FNL).

Jdate, as most of you know, is the online dating site catered to Jewish singles. Friday Night Live is a guitar-filled (am I the only one that finds a guitar on the bimah weird?) Friday night Shabbat service at a local Los Angeles synagogue geared toward Jewish young adults. At FNL, you are pretty much guaranteed to run into at least one person you have dated and get hit on by a guy 20 years your senior.

But anyway. I thought it was cool that both Jdate and FNL got a mention. Here’s to meeting nice Jewish boys (or girls). p.s. Anyone going to the ATID Purim party at the Peterson?

First, an excerpt from the Jdate email:

What magazines do you subscribe to? Is that too personal a question? I know if someone asked me, I would be shocked into shame to reveal my bestiality magazines. Whoa! Just kidding. I don’t like that crap. I like incest. WHOA! WHOA! He didn’t just go there. He’s not serious. He’s not serious. Breathe. Breathe. Ok, ok, fine I subscribe to Utne, Los Angeles, American Theatre, Stage Directions and Farm Animals Delight.. oops. Ok, there’s no Farm Animals Delight, I promise. It’s really Farm Animals Digest. Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!

There’s funny. And there’s not funny. That was way beyond not funny.

And in other news, the hills behind my apartment building are sliding and homes are being evacuated. More fun.

My sister: XXXX has guy for you. His name is XXXXX XXXXX. He’s a lawyer at her firm. Look him up and see what you can find.
Me: I googled him. Nothing.
My sister: Well here’s the story, he is breaking up with his fiance who cheated on him.
Me: Um.
My sister: And he’s been married
Me: Oh.
My sister: And that girl cheated on him also.
Me: Nice.
My sister: I know.
Me: Ask XXXX if she knows any lawyers that aren’t chronic cheatees.

From a 49-year-old guy:

interesting parallels in the backgrounds we share
starting with Detroit.
So sorry I’m not 40,
call if you get into
the idea of an older
father for your kids.

Uhhh…

Remember Goy Comic? I met him at the Christmas Eve Jewish comedy night two Christmas’s ago and went out with him once. Well…turns out he’s doing a set at the comedy place owned by The First Comic I Ever Dated.

I think it’s time to stop dating comics.

The following is a conversation I had with my doctor in which I explained why, following the Worst Migraine of My Life, I was told I needed to stop taking my birth control pills:

Doctor: That’s bullshit, you don’t need to take a break from the Pill.

Me: That’s what I thought.

Doctor: But if that doctor wants you to, do what he said.

Me: Okay.

Doctor: In the meantime, what method of birth control are you currently using?

Me: Um, Jdate. Seems to be working well.

Doctor: Well, maybe now that you’re not on the Pill you’ll meet someone.

Me: Let’s hope you’re right.

Me: Hi, did you IM met yesterday? My IM doesn’t work.

Jdate Guy: I did. I just said that I read your profile and it was very thoughtful. I enjoyed reading it.

Me: Hmm, your essays don’t say much about you. [Ed. Note: He only completed two of the five essays, and the two he did complete were each only a sentence or two.] Tell me some more. And what specifically did you enjoy about my profile?

Jdate Guy: Yours was very thoughtful and well-written – a sharp contrast to mine, which I spent 2 minutes putting together. I, at some point, will invest some time and emotion to draft something more meaningful. For now, I am just going to be casual and date some, and that means that I’m not going to put a whole lot of time into my profile. I hope you find the right man! You seem to have a good head on your shoulders. Best of luck to you.

Me: Um, ok. Then why did you email me to begin with?

Jdate Guy: Just because I’ve read through so many profiles and just a few stood out as really special. I’m learning a lot about people just by reading through the profiles. I was complimenting you on your insightfulness! that’s a good thing.

*Jdate subscription courtesy of my parents who want a grandchild as much as I want a good date.

Dear Soulmate,

I’m continually hearing this rumor that you’re right around the corner. However, I have no idea what you look like, so I can’t exactly go driving around the neighborhood looking for you. If you’re lost, would you please ask for directions? Just this one time?

Thanks so much!

Hilary

Hi

Hope u r fine as I m here now. while surfing I find you and as I like u, I could not prevent myself to propose you for long term friendship. I would really love a sober friendship.

About me ; I am never married catholic male from India working in Indias largest food product company. As far as education qualification is concerned, I am bachelor of arts, bachelor of laws, diploma in secretaryship plus some certificate courses. I am a loving, caring, innocent and god fearing person and believe in honesty to each other.

r u interested in such relation with me ? If yes, v can further exchange details and our likings through our personal email ID. Please send me your details at my personal email box at xxxxxxx@yahoo.com if v can be nice friends. Yes, we do not know anything about each other but this is the beginning which can lead us for serious relation. You can also visit my home if you wish. I shall be very happy to welcome you.

With love.

XXXX

Do you date/did you marry outside of your religion or race? Why or why not?

Funny, sad, and true:
Me: That’s weird, Cingular just sent me a text message about donating money to the tsunami victims’ fund via my cell phone bill.
Coworker: Don’t they know text messages are reserved for guys you date?

Last April, my friend and I attended another friend’s show at a local comedy place. When I walked in, I recognized the headliner–he was the first comic I ever dated. I hadn’t talked to him in years, so we caught up very briefly at the end of the show. At that time, nothing new was going on with either of us. Well, yesterday I came across his email address and wrote him to say hi and see if anything was new and exciting. His answer?

A little new and exciting…Got married, having a baby
in 2 weeks….a boy.

(ok, actually a LOT new and exciting!)

Still trying to get the sitcom pilot made and get an
agent…it’s an uphill battle.

You?

Me? Uhhh.

Screw my give-every-guy-three-dates-rule. I’m not going out with The Comic again. He already called me the afternoon after our second date and left a voicemail saying he hopes we can get together this coming weekend. There is absolutely no interest on my part, so I don’t want to go out again. Men, help me out here. What do I say? Is honesty really the best policy?

After six phone calls, all very similar in dialogue, regarding our plans for the evening (bowling and perhaps video games* at Jillian’s**), I knew I just didn’t want this date to happen. I began thinking of excuses to cancel then was finally convinced (thanks mom) to just go and make the most of it. I offered to meet him at his place since he lives in the Valley and Jillian’s is on that side of the hill. This is where it begins to get interesting.

Weird Part Number One: I arrived at The Comic’s apartment and snooped around a bit. He mentioned that since his roommates weren’t home, he’d been able to pick up the place. There was lots of stuff in the living room which he said belonged to his roommates. I noticed there was only one bedroom, and asked where the roommates sleep. As it turns out, the male roommate sleeps on the couch and the female roommate, when she’s in town, crashes in the bed with him. Ummm. Rewind. Yep, I heard him correctly. What the hell?

Weird Part Number Two: We walked up to the counter to purchase tokens for the video games and the first words out of his mouth, directed toward the counterperson were, “I’m a gamer.” Okay, first of all, is that something you broadcast on your date and secondly, does the girl at the counter even care? Apparently he must have gotten something for free using that line before, because he felt the need to say it to every person we came in contact with.

Weird Part Number Three: Bowling? We never went bowling. He decided he was in the mood to play video games and didn’t want to bowl because bowling reminded him of smoking, which he had just quit oh, five hours ago. Plus, the lanes were closed for a private party.

So, Six Phone Calls In Six Hours + Weird Part Number One + Weird Part Number Two + Weird Part Number Three = Total Frustration and Removal of Jdate Profile. Temporarily, of course. I wouldn’t want my readers to be bored.

*He works in the video game industry.
**I hate, hate, hate, Citywalk.

The Comic just called to firm up plans for tonight’s date and we shared the following conversation:

The Comic: Just so you know, I’m finishing up my last pack [of cigarettes] right now and will be on the patch tonight so I’ll be chewing a lot of gum.
Me: Hmm. Okay.
The Comic: Oh, and my passenger door is broken so you have to go in Dukes of Hazard style or climb over from the driver’s side.
Me: Uhh, I don’t climb through windows. [ed. note: What the hell?] I’ll climb over.
The Comic: Okay, just make sure you don’t hit your head on the mirror.
Me: I’m a klutz, I probably will. When did the door break?
The Comic: I busted it when I locked myself out and tried to break in last August.
Yeah. Should be an interesting night.

*No JAB, you’re not going crazy. I wrote this post on Saturday but Blogger ate half of it and posted it on Sunday.

This is an exchange I had last week with my doctor. Keep in mind I’ve been his patient for years.

Dr.: Are you planning on getting pregnant anytime soon?
Me: Uh, no. That would be a miracle, given my current singular status.
Dr.: Where’s your office?
Me: Century City.
Dr.: There should be a lot of available Jewish attorneys around there.
Me: Um, thanks mom.

I think this one speaks for itself:

Him: In the Town infatuated with the Worldwide Model, I am, a member of the tribe, who is not less than the Model of the Week, on the LA Number ONE — MALE MODEL WEBSITE — Los Angles Exotics Men!
Me: Huh?
Him: I am the Guy Of The Week in L.A. right now … [Ed. Note: Click link for more, uh, information.]
Me: Congratulations. Please don’t email me anymore.

What. The. Hell.

Some background: While speaking on the phone, The Comic mentioned about a dozen times that he was nervous about our date, as he just recently signed up for Jdate and I was to be the first person he’d meet. He asked if I’d mind meeting for a cocktail rather than coffee. No problem here.

We decided on a bar on the other side of the hill (he’s an 818-er) which ended up being a really cool place. He immediately looked relieved that I did in fact look like my picture and complimented me on my hair.

Some of the too much information I learned over cocktails:

• The reason for his nervousness was because his roommate had experienced his very own Jdate horror story so he was expecting the worst.
• He has a twice divorced ex-girlfriend with two kids. When they broke up they called the cops on each other.
• He smokes (gross) but is planning to quit next week.

After two rounds, it was way past my bedtime and we headed out. He gave me a hug then asked if I’d like to get together possibly Sunday and to please call him when I got home to let him know I arrived safely (awww). I called him, he again said he had a really nice time, and we decided we’d chat this weekend. He then mentioned he had emailed me. Already?! He wrote that had a nice time, etc. and apologized for talking so much, and said it was because he was so nervous.

So…he’s a nice guy. (I know, kiss of death.) Was it love at first sight? No. Will I go out with him again? Yes mom.

Yesterday Afternoon
Jdate Guy: hi
Me: [Hilary] has declined to respond to your email sent 1/10/2005 1:09:54 PM (That’s the generic Jdate decline that is reserved for men old enough to be my father, men who send only their phone number, and men who send emails that don’t contain at least one complete sentence.)

Later in the Afternoon
Jdate Guy: you are gross
Me: Because I sent you a decline?

Last Night
Jdate Guy (this email is actually IMs that I didn’t get–Jdate emails the user missed IMs): 1/10/2005 10:46 PM – what your problem
1/10/2005 10:46 PM – you are gross
1/10/2005 10:46 PM – looking
Me: YOU emailed me.
Jdate Guy: [Jdate Guy] has declined to respond to your message sent Jan 10 2005 10:47PM and is not accepting further messages at this time

I told ya there’d be more:

looke like it your last boyfirends mothers, had their kids, it’s common in persian community isn’t it?

Huh?

thats what you said in your profile* and the last part is my guess

Well that explains everything.

*Nowhere in my profile do I mention last boyfriends, mothers (or last boyfriend’s mothers), anyone’s kids, or anything/anyone Persian.

While I was in college and dating then breaking up with then getting back together with The Ex, my friend told me she knew The Ex and I would eventually end up together. When I asked her why, she said, “Because he’s your lobster.”

My lobster. My beshert. My soulmate.

Part of my heart thought that too. In fact, after I graduated we talked about getting engaged. He knew what kind of ring I wanted, what I imagined my wedding to be like, and the kind of life I envisioned for myself and my family down the road.

Of course, I was 22-years-old and experiencing so many firsts. I had my first real job, apartment, and so many freedoms. He was 23 and on the ten year plan, hanging out with his fraternity brothers and living at his parents’ house.

Our priorities were different and consequently, we broke up. It was a long and difficult breakup and well, it sucked. Sometimes I think of what my life would have been like had we married, and that’s when I realize he was never my lobster. He was always my frog.

I’m on this website called ChosenNet; it’s kinda like Friendster for Jewish people. I’ve never met anyone from it, but it I have seen some familiar faces from my USY days as well as people I knew in college. Every now and then I get random e-mails which are usually quite dumb–yesterday’s e-mail is no exception. Here is it, verbatim:

Subject: hey
Message: youre kinda cute and i love an older woman – its very sexy =)

Kinda cute? And older woman? Yeah, let me drop everything and write this 24-year-old back right away.

In keeping with tradition, I have once again received three emails since my paid subscription to Jdate ended last week. Chances are, the supposed emails are probably “teases” or IMs that I missed while logged on to the site. But alas, I will never know unless I shell out another $34.95 to gain subscriber privileges. Given my history with people I’ve met from Jdate, I’m not expecting any of the emails to be from my prince charming. Then again, you never know. And it’s not like my dance card is filled with any prospects at the moment.

So…should I re-subscribe?

The neighbor on the other side of my sex-loving-neighbors claims to have witnessed said couple fighting and the girl exiting the apartment crying with bruises on her arm. Lovely.

Received an email from SpeedDating Guy (apparently he still can’t use the phone) who is now en route to Israel for a long awaited vacation. He wants to get together when he returns. Still not sure how I feel about that.

Broken Nose Guy and I are continuing our email correspondence (going on three months now) in hopes of setting the Guinness world record for Jdater Who Has Time To Email But No Time To Meet. I have pretty much given up hope of a face to face meeting–I should have learned my lesson about trying to date attorneys when I dated Guy-I-Used-To-Date (who coincidentally just informed me is swamped at work and not ignoring me).

My best friend (hi JAB) is expecting baby number two this Sunday. I can’t wait to meet him when I go to SD in a few weeks!

I can’t remember if I mentioned I saw Closer last weekend. Great movie.

Is it Friday yet?

Had a delicious dinner and a great time catching up with Jeffrey at Rosti in Beverly Hills last night. For you nosy peeps, Jeff and I went on a few dates a couple years back then kinda lost touch.* I ran across his blog earlier this year, we started corresponding, and finally had dinner last night.

It was really nice seeing him again, and I’m looking forward to catching up even more next week. Sorry, that’s all the details you’re getting.**

*Totally his fault. Possibly bus-related. He has been forgiven.
**It’s a little weird writing about someone who reads my blog. Not that I have anything bad to say about him (you).

Received this the other night from SpeedDating Guy:

Hi,
Any plans for tues or wed eve?

Like there’s anything else for a Jew to do on Christmas besides a movie and Chinese food. Now, about Christmas Eve. For a couple of years, I went to the Stu and Lew party, also known as Recycled Date Party due to the fact my friends and I would always bump into guys we’ve dated there. Last year, a friend and I went to a comedy night/Chinese food thing that wasn’t quite what we expected. (That’s where I met Goy Comic, remember?)

Anyone know of any fun things to do this year?

Suddenly, everyone wants to be my friend. Okay, slight exaggeration. Not everyone. Just boys I’ve kissed. Yesterday, out of the blue, I got an IM from a guy I dated after The Ex and I broke up. It’s been five or six years since this guy and I have seen each other. We met through a mutual friend, became friends, dated long enough for me to like him, then was crushed when he let me in on his plans to move to London and his decision to not want to start a relationship. Fast forward six years–his London plans never came to fruition and he’s currently living in Southern California with his fiancee (who is nearly ten years younger than he).

Over IM, he asked me if I missed him. I explained that after he made it quite clear (years ago) that he was moving to London, I somehow (shockingly) managed to get over him. Apparently that was not the answer he wanted to hear. He got upset, told me he missed talking to me, and wanted to be my friend. My response? “The last thing I’m looking for right now is more male friends.” [Ed. Note: Hello, Margarita Guy all over again.] And of course, I told him I didn’t find it appropriate that we rebuild a friendship given a) our history and b) that he’s engaged and living with said fiancee.

Someone please tell me what the hell is going on? Did I miss something here?

Apparently this is becoming a regular feature:

My moon is in Leo and I get along with leos cuzz fire and air make an inferno.

Um.

Got this today after I used the polite decline feature to respond to a 54-year-old man who emailed me:

You couldn’t take two minutes out of your busy schedule to write something original rather than click and send me the generic decline message? You’re probably a JAP anyway.

Well wasn’t that friendly?

I got to Margarita Guy’s house as planned at 6:00, right before we were to leave to go to the movie then dinner. Only this time, instead of being greeted with a kiss, I was greeted with, “Before we go to the movie, there’s something I want to talk about.” Uh oh. “I just don’t see anything longterm with us, and I wanted to tell you in person rather than on the phone or in email,” he said. “But I still want to go to the movie tonight.”

Um. I just sat there. Not really knowing how to respond. “Okay, this weird.” I told him. “Are you mad at me?” he asked. “Weird,” I said. “This is weird. You don’t think it’s weird?” My vocabulary seemed to shrink to those few words. “Not really,” he said. “You know how a few days ago you asked me what was up? [ed. note: I noticed things felt weird and asked if everything was okay. He said he was just busy.] I’ve been thinking since then, and I came to the conclusion that I just don’t see anything longterm developing with us. But I’d like to be friends. And we need to leave now if we want to go to the movie.” Friends. Okay. “Let’s go to the movie,” I say. We get in the car, I’m hunched over to the right, purse in my lap, jacket wrapped tightly around me. He’s talking, but his words sound like the teacher from the Charlie Brown cartoons. Waaap, waaap. “I want to go home,” I said. “I’m really uncomfortable.” He’s had days to think about this and I’ve had five minutes. He sort of threw me for a loop.

He turned the car around. “So it’s all or nothing with you?” he asked. “I’m looking to date, not make friends. I don’t need any more friends,” I told him. The rest of the drive back to his house was pretty much silent. We got out of the car. “Can I at least have a hug?” he asked. I gave him a quick hug. “Call me tomorrow if you want to talk,” he said. “About this.” “No thanks. Good night,” and I was off.

My trip to New York couldn’t be at a better time.

Questions: What the hell was he thinking when he decided to say this after I drove out to his place for our date? Wouldn’t it have made way more sense to call me yesterday and ask to come over or something? And why the hell did he still want to go to the movie?

Got this email from my mom earlier today:

hey…google [guy's name]. He is 35, Jewish, a writer, published, etc. Mother is a patient [of my dad's]. I will NOT do anything without your permission. Promise…

I Googled him and found his impressive resume and a picture. He seems very interesting and is decent looking even with the growing forehead. So…do I let my mom give his mom my phone number? Help me decide.

I’m beginning to wonder if the unconfirmed weirdness I’m feeling from Margarita Guy is because he found my blog. [Ed. Note: If you did, then um, hi. And in the interest of full disclosure, I Googled your email address and found your blog. Kinda boring compared to mine.] Then again, maybe he’s just reeling from our four date marathon and I’m being a silly girl.

—In other news, I spoke to the Guy-I-Used-To-Date-With-The-Same-First-Name-As-Margarita-Guy last night on the phone. He was pre-blog, so unless you know me in person, you don’t know anything about him. Long story short–we dated, he and his ex tried (unsuccessfully) to get back together. We dated again, his dad passed away, his mom got sick, and he had to take over his dad’s firm. Things got crazy/busy/stressful, I became a super good friend to him, and he decided he wasn’t in a good emotional state to be dating. Fast forward two years–he apologized for hurting me and explained he had been very stressed out with everything that had happened, and that the entire year was pretty much a blur. We’re getting together when I return from New York.—In totally unrelated news, this morning I was awoken awakened 10 minutes before my alarm was set to go off by the sounds of high pitched shrieks and a bed hitting the wall. Welcome to the building my new neighbors.

I think things got weird with Margarita Guy all of a sudden. I’m not sure what happened and it could very well be my imagination. We’ll see how things play out, as we have plans for Saturday night.

—I emailed SpeedDating Loser Guy and told him to call me if he wants to make plans. No phone call. Big surprise there.—Got back in touch with a guy I used to date (who shares the same first name as Margarita Guy for those in the know). We exchanged two emails…he’s going out of town tomorrow for a week then I go out of town when he gets back, so who knows if/when we’ll catch up.—And in other news, I hate dating.

Went over to Margarita Guy’s house last night and had a slight change of plans. Instead of barbecue-ing, we found ourselves at the video store then Trader Joe’s buying pasta and lots of good stuff to go with it. We went back to his place where we had some wine and made dinner. It was really nice and I realized it’s been way too long since I’ve done something like that. After dinner, we watched Stepford Wives (actually, he watched it, I was asleep for most of it…blame it on the wine), then hung out once again till the wee hours of the morning. I drove home in less than ten minutes and called to tell him I arrived safely. And yes mom, I do believe another date is in the near future, barring any surprise visits by The Bus.

—And in other dating news, just got an email (one step up from a text message perhaps?) from SpeedDating Guy asking if I want to get together in the next few days. What. The. Hell.

Margarita Guy and I have plans Friday night. That’s date number four for those of you following along at home. He’s making me dinner (okay, barbecue-ing) and I’m planning on baking cookies for dessert (he doesn’t know that, so don’t tell him). Not sure what the plan is for the rest of the evening.

—In related Margarita boy news, did I meantion he (gasp) voted red. What is up with all these young Jewish republicans? Sorry Jeffrey.—In other news, I’m going to New York to visit my sister in less than two weeks. I need gloves. Warm ones. That won’t cost me $40 freaking dollars like the nice leather ones at Macy’s but will still fit my freakishly-small-for-someone-who-is-five-foot-nine-hands. Anyone know where I can get a slightly less expensive pair? They most likely won’t be worn again any time soon given I live in southern California. —Totally unrelated, but still warranting a mention, I love my TiVo. I know, old news, but I just had to reiterate how wonderful it is. —And finally, for those of you asking, yes, that really is my mom commenting on my blog as Hil’s Mom. Apparently said blog has become the communicatory method of choice between my mom, sister, and myself (dad would join in, but considering he types about one word per minute, he prefers the archaic invention known as the telephone). Whatever works.

Sorry, no juicy details to share this time. Margarita Guy and I walked to Blockbuster for a DVD then ordered in food. We watched the movie, stuffed ourselves with food (yet again) and hung out. It was…nice. He seems kinda shy which is making it hard for me to get to know him, but I’m working on it. I do believe date number four is on the horizon. Then again, he could get hit by The Bus, so who knows…

—In other news, I somehow managed to lose four pounds in the last two weeks. Not exactly sure how that happened with all the yummy food I’ve consumed lately, but who cares? Points, shmoints.

A good tired though. Last night I went over to Margarita Guy’s (slightly messy) house then he took me to one of his favorite Indian restaurants. We stuffed ourselves silly on delicious food then went back to his place and hung out and talked for a couple of hours.

Around midnight, he walked me to my car, asked when he could see me again (I offered Wednesday night, he asked for sooner), then gave me a hug. Feeling confident that he liked me, I gave him a quick kiss. He just sort of stood there in shock. Uh oh, I thought. I screwed up. Suddenly this huge smile took over and he returned the kiss (it was good). He then explained he had wanted to be a gentleman and not make me feel uncomfortable, so he figured a hug would suffice. Aww, I know. Very sweet.

And…since the weather was a bit gloomy, I decided to wear my hair curly rather than fight the humidity and flat iron it straight. Margarita Guy complimented me on my curls and said he preferred it that way. Have I mentioned how much easier and less time consuming it is to wear it curly? I’m liking this guy…

Went to El Compadre with an Internet guy last night. I know, you didn’t even know I was chatting with anyone. Actually, we exchanged emails on Wednesday, talked on Thursday, and met on Friday. That’s the way to do it. About him–Jewish, check. Tall, check. Educated, check. Cute, check. Employed, not at the moment. But he just recently quit a job that he was horribly unhappy at, and I know that feeling well.

Anyway, I had a really nice time as we chatted over too-spicy food and too-strong (is there a such thing?) margaritas. After a couple glasses of water and celebrity sightings–one of the guys from ZZ Top and Paris Hilton (or someone who looked exactly like her, keep in mind we’d just downed some margaritas), we headed over to the Grove and walked around and enjoyed the crisp air. From there we went to my apartment where we spent a couple hours talking until we were both ready to pass out. He gave me a good hug then went home.

Plans have been made for something called a second date. Think good thoughts for me.

p.s. He needs a nickname, but I don’t think Recently Quit His Job Guy sounds very good. Nickname suggestions are much appreciated.

Time: 5:30 p.m. Saturday night
Location: Sushi restaurant in Solana Beach

Mom: Oy, I wish [insert very obviously Jewish name here] was single. He just recently got married. I would have fixed you up with him in a heartbeat.
Me: Who?
Mom: The nice Jewish boy who fixed our Internet connection at the office.
Me: Oh.
Mom: There’s another guy I would fix you up with, one of our patients. But he’s shorter than you.
Me: Is he a dork?
Dad: No. He’s stocky and he’s a pilot.
Mom: He flew his Asian-ex-girlfriend-who-is-converting to San Francisco for dinner one night. They broke up but they’re still friends.
Me: Shorter than me and stocky in Jdate terms means short and fat.
(Mom and Dad laugh)
Mom: This isn’t going to end up on your blog is it?

[Ed. note: Upon verifying the accuracies of this conversation with my parents, my dad mentioned said pilot is also "follicly challenged." Dad's words, not mine.]

It’s been a while since I’ve had a good (read: strange) Jdate email to share, so enjoy:

Subject: a quick question

I know that I emailed you before so I promise that I will not bother you again, but I want to be honest with you. I have never used an internet service before and if you had any thoughts on what to do differently, I would really appreciate it?

As you could probably tell, I did not get much action after the first day. Not meaning to sound arrogant or cocky, which if you knew me, I am the farthest thing from, I am really confused because I never had much of a problem getting dates. Please be brutally honest.

Sincerely, XXXXX

Lovely, eh?

Esther at Jdaters Anonymous posted a link to this article about a woman who, in attempt to find a nice Jewish doctor for her daughter, signed up on Jdate pretending to be her daughter.

Don’t get any ideas mom.

Just got back from Molly Malone’s where I saw my friend’s boyfriend’s band perform. Judging from all the head bopping in the room, I’d say they were a hit. The bar was cool too–I’d never been there before but had driven past it hundreds of times so it was nice to finally check it out. Great crowd and atmosphere. Good chance I’ll go back.

Now for the funny story. On the way to the show, I told my friend about the comic/chiropractor guy who was given my phone number by his parents via my coworker. Well…the minute I said, “He realized he couldn’t make a living as a comedian so he went to chiropractic school,” she said she knew him. Turns out she applied for and was offered a job as a masseuse at his chiropractic office. Small world, huh?

Time to try to fight off a cold and catch up on sleep.

In the past two days:

SpeedDating Guy text messaged me about nothing specific.

The Ex called and emailed me. That’s a story unto itself.

Broken Nose Guy called me and left a message wanting to know if I was interested in meeting him after band rehearsal at 11:00 p.m. tonight. Uhhh, let me think about that one…no?

Earlier this week my friend asked if I had heard from The Ex lately. I hadn’t. Until today. First a call from his apartment then ten minutes later a call from his cell phone. The second call generated a voicemail, and his message was spooky in that it didn’t sound like the guy I knew. His voice was different. His speech was different. It was very strange. And a little sad.

So I log onto Jdate this morning to read an email and do a quick search. While reviewing my search results, the following sentence catches my eye: Non Jew seeking good guy.

From a rather cute guy’s profile.

First the non-Jewish women sign up for Jdate looking for a mensch, now gay men are doing the same. No wonder I can’t find myself a nice Jewish boy.

Remember SpeedDating Guy? The one who we thought got hit by a bus but then continued to resurface with text messages and silly phone calls only to finally say he didn’t know what he wanted? Well…he found me on Jdate. And sent me an email saying hi and asking how I was. What the hell?

I had just turned on my computer and settled into my desk when a coworker came over and uttered the following:

I have a guy for you.

Feelings of fear and curiosity suddenly overcame me, and I asked for the vital stats. Here’s what I learned:

My coworker was out last night with his wife when they met another couple. Said couple apparently likes to yap, yap, yap, and mentioned they have a son who would like to meet a Jewish girl*. Coworker exclaimed ah ha! and gushed about me. Unfortunately, Coworker obviously has been out of the dating scene for quite a while–the only information he was able to provide me with is the son’s name, that he couldn’t make a living as a comic**, and that he’s a chiropractor.

The one and only time my number was given out by someone who had not met my potential date was a horrendous disaster and I vowed never to do it again. [ed note: thanks mom] However, in the interest of making my parents happy and broadening my horizons, I am setting myself up for disaster taking a chance. Who knows, it may make for a really great post. Oy, how I suffer for my readers.

*I would bet his parents want him to meet a Jewish girl. He, like most Jewish men, would probably like to meet a non-Jewish girl, but we’ll stick to what the parents said.
**Given my history of dating comics, let’s hope I haven’t already dated this guy.

Boy emails girl on Jdate. Girl responds to boy. A week later, boy sends two sentence email stating he had a really bad week and broke his nose. Girl inquires about said broken nose and horrible week, and another week later, receives another two sentence email from boy, saying he again had a bad week, and his nose is broken (duh?). A similar exchange is repeated, only this time, Girl responds as any seasoned Jdater would, by saying, Um, OK.

Those two words of course, somehow garnered a response from Broken Nose Guy. Things then took a turn for the better and emails longer than two sentences about things other than bad weeks and broken noses were exchanged, and a phone call was had. Plans for drinks were discussed and a date was in the works. But then…Broken Nose Guy’s cell phone broke. Phone calls could only be made from his office, as he has no land line at home. So now, Broken Nose/Cell Phone Guy and Girl devise a plan for Broken Nose/Cell Phone Guy to email Girl on Thursday, letting her know if he is in fact available for drinks that same night.

As of 1:30 today, Girl has not heard from Broken Nose/Cell Phone Guy.

Um, ok.

Update: Broken Nose/Cell Phone Guy just emailed. We have rescheduled. But still, um OK.

Surgery went well. I’m home relaxing and watching horrible TV while the pain medication administered via the IV is still doing it’s job (then comes the Vicodin). My mom, who is staying with me for a few days, went to the grocery store and bought enough food to feed a family of ten for at least a week. Kinda cool. My mom rocks.

I also received two bunches of gorgeous flowers and a secret delivery is coming from my sister. I’m thinking it’s Snookie’s Cookies, and if it is, ohhh yeah.

In other news, SpeedDating Guy sent me a text message saying he hopes my surgery went well. A text message? I’m thinking he has some weird aversion to the phone. Or third dates. Whatever, I had written him off on Saturday.

A couple of years ago I met someone I thought was very special. We had an amazing and magical first date after which I called my mom and friends and gushed to them about this incredible guy who was unlike anyone else I had ever met. We had many more dates in the months that followed at which time things changed and the last minute cancellations with lame excuses began. Shortly after this, I discovered his wedding registry and website on the Internet. I learned that he had proposed to his fiancee the week before our last date.

After getting over the initial shock of his engagement and confronting him about it (he denied it at first), I began having a very hard time trusting the men I dated. The past two years have been difficult and I am constantly shocked and saddened to learn that men I had thought were “good guys,” can put up a really good facade.

In case you’re wondering, SpeedDating Guy did not call as he said he would. Again.

The Bus has claimed yet another victim. Similar to Santa Monica’s Big Blue Bus, but infinite in size and lacking in color (it’s invisible), The Bus is believed to have swept up it’s latest victim somewhere in the vicinity of LA’s Westside.

The Bus, known to many throughout the country as the answer to the question “Why didn’t he call?,” has been around for many years but only very recently has the public learned of its existence. Says one once-confused-but-now-in-the-know-single woman, “I always wondered what happened to the guys I went on dates with that disappeared. You know, the ones who said they’d call but didn’t. Now I know. The Bus picked them up.”

“He said he’d call. And he never did,” proclaims another woman, “I guess The Bus makes more sense than the possibility of him being abducted by aliens. Right?”

Of course, not all is answered with this recent discovery. The questions still remain: What exactly happens to these men once they get on The Bus? Are they then abducted by aliens? Brought to an island filled with other non-callers? Reformed and brought back to the dating world? We’ll never know.

Just got a text message from SpeedDating Guy. Apparently he’s been holed up in the studio since Friday. Oops. While I spent Friday night catching up on sleep, he was trying to stay awake while recording. Bigger oops. Hopefully we’ll chat soon so we can set a third date before my surgery!

This Question of the Day may be irrelevant now, as I believe SpeedDating Guy has been hit by the bus. No phone call or text message since he left my apartment. I even left a “thank you, I had a nice time” message. Nada. However, it is still a fun question so here it goes:

When SpeedDating Guy and I went on date two, he picked me up at my apartment. We got to his truck and he unlocked my door, let me get in, then closed it. (I’ve never dated a guy with a pickup truck. I know mom, I didn’t think Jewish boys had pickups either.) He then walked to the driver’s side and unlocked the door and let himself in. The following times we got in the car I did unlock his door. So, keeping in mind the truck does not have power locks, the question is:

Was I supposed to reach across and unlock his door from the inside?